That awkward moment when you waste your entire life doing pointless stuffs on the Internet

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This has happened to me before. Many times. I used to get relapses, but now-OOH, LOOK AT THE KITTEH! SILLY KITTEH!


The main symptoms of wasting your entire life on the Interwebs are:

  1. Twitching, blinking, and generally turning into a raving lunatic every time you are forced to leave your computer/Internet connection.
  2. Having more friends online than you have friends in the real world, because you never leave your computer and are an antisocial technological hermit.
  3. Spending your time editing an encyclopedia that's full of nonsense and false facts.

My Story[edit]

Like I said, this happened to me. It doesn't take much Internet exposure to get this strange disease. Just one Twitter meme...and you are a slave to the Internet.

I got this disease about five years ago. I was roaming around the house, bored, until I thought to myself, "I'll just get on Facebook for awhile." Soon, I was sucked into the black hole of the Interwebs. A few months later, when my Internet connection was down for a few days, I ran out into the streets, screaming and hallucinating. Then the Internet came back on, and I was reduced to a glassy-eyed zombie again, an empty smile pasted on my pale face.


Eventually, it reached the point when someone could just mention going outside and I would start screaming and weeping hysterically. My family was concerned, especially as I apparently passed the disease to my older brother. So, they dragged me in to the hospital (iPad in hand, of course), and had the doctor take a look at me. Sure enough, I showed all the symptoms of AITWS (Acute Internet Time-Wasting Syndrome). It was a long hard road back to health. However, I remember none of it. I get a pretty good idea of what it was like, however, because my brother was taking videos the whole time (available on, under the name, "LOLz cray-cray Inernet addict XD). Feel free to watch these, but only if you want to see an otherwise normal and functioning human being reduced to tears, shaking fits, and bouts of insanity,


After I got done with rehab, I was fully able to assume my place in modern society. I could walk outside without the sun burning my skin too much, and I could manage leaving my computer for a few hours at a time. Like I said, I still get relapses. Occasionally the siren song of the Interwebs becomes too much and I break down and get on Facebook, but that's all. And I occasionally Google "lol cats." And "funny memes." And "cute kitteh vids." And...