The Importance Of Being Idle

*Text message*

Whilst struggling to open my eyes, I reluctantly make my way to my phone, with one eye open and one still glued together I read;

"A week today we find out if baby peanut is a boy or a girl. Note to all, must wear peanut shell at birth! x"

Now do not get me wrong, I am excited about this baby but I do not need to be reading this at 10 in the morning, although I do feel quite awake...never mind eh, back to bed.

*Sleep*

*Dream*

For some reason I am in a primary school and it's very late at night. Then we're all running around the streets frantic because apparently a man(paedophile) is coming after us, I'm not quite sure why I'm running though because I'm not a child? So I hide in a bush thinking he can't see me, he can...(he has a torch). I jump out on him, it turns out he's not really a paedophile merely a man wanting some sex!. So there we go, wandering the streets hand in hand, only to find ourselves in Spain at the side of a huge water park! He takes me for a butty where Chris turns up and drops his butty on the floor, a moan follows - natch. I kick him up the arse for moaning, then he's gone. Me and mysterious man now go set off to get to his house as I am dying for the loo (much like my waken self). Down the water slide I go, in a rubber ring. Must beat the flow! Mysterious man really is a mystery now, I am alone.

I never did reach the bottom so I decide to wake up, WHAT TIME?! It's one o clock now and I feel like I have not been to sleep, knew I should have got up at ten after the text. Now there's a debate about getting up, I want to stay in bed, he claims he's going to be doing his work. I'm yet to see the start of this 'work'. Thought it was normal day, but as I descend the stairs, there's a man sat in the front room babbling on about a butty which looks like it's been on the floor.

Rubs eyes

Oh wait, no there's not. Bloody hell this cup o'joe couldn't come quickly enough! Kettle's on, cup's out, fork ready to stir. Not a very nice drink at all, tastes like salt water.

"Butty brunch please!"

*Opens fridge*

"There's nothing in for a butty!"

So off to the shops I go, only to be stopped by what to me looks like a man dressed as a peanut!

" Excuse me maddam, do you know it's a girl?"

Think it's time to run, this man gives me the jeebies! I find myself diving in a bush because he is actually running down the street following me. Oddly enough it turns out I'm now in the playground of the local primary school so I go there for shelter from this strange man. Probably shouldn't have led him to a school full of peanuts (I probably meant children there) though really...

Now I find myself running around like a mad women with all of these screaming kids, don't know what the bloody hell has happened but there are peanuts everywhere! One peanut is even holding my hand and telling me he wants hanky panky with me! What the bloody hell am I playing at, at all?! I'm not a peanut, or a child and this isn't a dream anymore so why am I even running? Sod it, I make my way back to the shops where I was supposed to be going.

"Can I have some peanuts please?"

*Leaves shop empty handed, well other than a bag of peanuts of course...*

Nice, normal stroll home has me back to my relaxed state in which I had originally woken up in before all of this gobbledigook! Come home to Chris obviously not doing his work but actually moaning about not being able to go on a water slide? The world has gone mad!