The Man Who Did Not Know His Gender
Once upon a time there was a man...
he lived a pretty easy life. He was an accountant. He had a dog named Fischer. He lived in a condo on Miami South Beach, but, there was a problem;
Why on Earth would this man of such high social status not know something simple like gender?
Well, it's a long story.
The man's mother did drugs, the dad left them and she got a boyfriend named Steve. Steve was a very gentle man. He was a reverend as a matter of fact. But the thing is, his temper was pretty extreme. So when this man, or boy at the time, even looked at him funny, he would completely lose it and go Dragon Ball Z on his bitch ass. And the mom, also didn't care about him and rarely spoke to him. When the boyfriend was not around the boy would try to start conversation with his mother and being that he was a young boy, he had a multitude of questions one of which was, "What is that dangling thing between my legs?" The mom would respond, "Get me my fucking smokes!" He would say, "But, but, what is it?" She would respond, "What the fuck did I fucking say. Did I not make it clear? Nicotine addiction here. Give me those mother fucking cancer sticks or I'll rip that dangling thing out between your legs you mother fucking punk ass bitch." "Will that hurt?" he asked genuinely. Then she said, "You bet your ass it will." But he says, "But what is it?" Then she'd reply, "Ask your father. WAIT! He isn't here. Get me my mother fucking smokes."
Being that his peers in school never answered any of his questions, through the years, these questions were left unanswered and many more were formed. But there was a time when he was a young adult when he went to Club Skye on short skirt Wednesday when a girl asked him, "You want a blow job?" He said, "What's that?" She said, "It's when I grind your wank." Then he said, "What is a wank?" She laughed at him, "I ain't got time for yo' gay ass." At that point, he reached a climax in his life. He wanted answered but with his demanding job he never found the time so he took a vacation and forced himself to try to find his true father. Now I know we haven't told you the man's name but it is Richard Combs. Foreshadowing....
He found out his true father was rapper P. Diddy who had effortlessly beat the child support system, therefore, he never took himself to even have anything to do with Richard but when he found him he was flabbergasted. Richard demanded answers. He said, "Father, yes, I said father, I want you to answer a question that's been following me all of my life; who the hell Billy Mays." P. Diddy laughed, "It's Richard Simmons in disguised." Richard shrugged, "So that's where he got the enthusiasm... But anyway, what in the hell is this crap in my pants?" P. Diddy laughed again, "That is your baby maker. You stick that in..."
P. Diddy went on to explain the birds and the bees, which was more accurately described as the pimps and the hoes.
P. Diddy said, "Here's all of this in a nutshell, slather yourself in lube and bang everything in sight!"