The Nazi Guide to Nature

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A Christian Library Inc book. In association with Marx Publishing & Co.

Have you ever wondered, "Hey, is that an egret or a pelican?" If you have, you are an idiot, because anyone with the slightest knowledge of birds would know pelicans are a lot taller.

But... There is hope.. Behold: The Nazi Guide to Nature!'

Chapter 1: Land[edit | edit source]

So.. What is that green crap on the ground, well. That is grass. Believe it or not it is. You're now wondering, "What is grass?" Well, sport, it is a plant just like trees or shrubs. Grass tickles and doesn't feel good when you roll around nude in it. Believe me. Bugs live in grass. But we'll cover them later. So you probably also say, "Hey, what's that rocky thing right there." Guess what? IT'S A ROCK! Rocks can be made out of a lot of things. Limestone, gold, human teeth you name it! People carve it into things like Mount Rushmore. Of course you know what that is because 90% people know stuff about things people did, and don't know anything about the earth. Now, if you're like me and are hiking through the Alps, you probably say, "What the heck are those giant things coming out of the ground?" They're mountains! Yes mountains. When the earth pushes together with the earth they rise up. You don't know what the heck I'm talking about heh, heh. Now lets say you're a-travelin' through northern Africa and you see this yellowish stuff forming hills and crap what do you think it is? It's not moonsand. Though fun to play with and easy to sculpt with it isn't. It is sand. "SAND???!?!?!?!?!?" Yeah. It's particles that take the place of grass. It's fun to play in, too, but it hurts because of the sun shining on it. Oww. That is also the same stuff at the beach! Isn't nature amazing!

Chapter 2: Water[edit | edit source]

"What is this clear stuff?" It's water. You drink it. You bathe in it ("I bathe in dirt!"). And you play in it. It is amazing. Did you know it falls from the sky when it gets sucked up, brought together, and spit out by clouds God. Yes, God is in the sky. And if its cold enough, it will be snow! It's just frozen water! You can roll around in it and it feels good but it's cold. If you live in Florida you don't get snow because it's too hot. (Even though every now and then it snow flurries in Tallahassee but still.) We drink water to survive.

Chapter 3: Plants[edit | edit source]

List of all known Plants[edit | edit source]

  • Grass
  • Trees
  • Bushes

Chapter 4: Lesser Beings (A.K.A filthy beasts(a.k.a. animals))[edit | edit source]

Individual Descriptions[edit | edit source]

  • Bears - Big, mean and hairy.
  • Foxes - Orange-ish
  • Yaks - Hindley-ish
  • Apes - What we evolved from the Devil's alter-ego A.K.A Charles Darwin said we evolved from.
  • Turtles - The source of 99& of the world's shields.
  • Tortoises - The source of 1% of the world's shields.
  • Tigers - What sinners evolve into.
  • Birds - Though scientists say there are over two thousand species of birds, in the eyes Our Ruler, there is only one.

Chapter 5: Humans[edit | edit source]

You'll here a lot about how humans are animals. That is a lie. We are not as horrid as those filthy, filthy things.

There are three types of humans according to our master, Adolf Hitler. Jews, Christians, and Atheists.

Only one of the groups is supreme and worthy of life and that is the Christians. There are many races: White, African, Chinese, Hispanic, and Jews. The most supreme of the three is of course white though the next three aren't nearly as supreme, they still are respected though the last is not deserving of any respect.

Thank you for reading and watch out for the sequel: The Nazi Guide to History, a Christian Library Inc. and Marx Publishing & Co.

Sincerely your writer,
Adolf Hitler III