Top Ten Late Excuses

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From Illogicopedia's Top Ten collection. Where opinion is fact.
10: I woke up in Azurloth and had to slay a dragon to save the people of Kilnozorgaaf from certain death. I missed my taxi due to the slaying.
9: Late? I'm not late. Your late.
8: I accidentally fell into the sky, and had to find some magical anti-helium to get back down.
7: I'm pretty sure I recieved a psychic message from you saying work was cancelled yesterday. You sure? I was pretty damn certain...
6: Yesterday I got really drunk and was far too hung over to come to work on time today. Also, I demand a raise.
5: I was here on time, but then I fell back home.
4: I was at anger therapy...(Snarl, punch your boss in the face and jump out the window)
3: I had to save an orphan from a passing shark, who was also a mugger. And he had pirate aids.
2: My dog ate it.
1: In actuality the reality is that my being of late is, in a manner of lateness, perhaps maybe not or am late, in that the being of late would suggest lateness, which I almost certainly am not possibly. Furthermore, Me possibly being late or not perhaps maybe late depends on the circustances on which you base (or possibly do not base) your possible allegations of maybe or maybe not possibly perhaps late or not lateness.

Honorable mentions: NIGGA STOLE MA BIKE YOSHI!!!!!!