User:Gruntled/The Pubic Wars

The Pubic Wars, formally known as the War of Ridiculum Genitalibus were a series of three wars fought between Rome and Carthage from 264 BC to 146 BC. At the time, they were probably the largest wars that had ever taken place. The term Pubic comes from the Latin word Pubis , meaning "Adulthood" or more colloquially, sexual maturity. On the surface, the battles ensued over a slight cast by a visiting Carthaginian dignitary to Rome, who observed that adult Romans rarely sported pubic hair. Unbeknownst to him, the Latins kept fastidious hygiene, including plucking of body hair.

One drunken evening, tongues loosened, the Carthaginians were laughing among themselves about Romans being perpetual children, and therefore nothing to fear. As the evening wore on, lurid tales of ridiculously deformed genitalia among the Romans made the rounds. When aristocratic Romans heard of these insults, hundreds went bat shit crazy and stormed the diplomatic compound of their guests, maiming or killing every last man.

The Roman Senators demanded a formal apology from Hamilcar Barca of Carthage.