Cats are mailing you

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They do not struggle with the keyboard, they turn it into a cactus by being near it. Thereafter it becomes prickly and writes letters accordingly. The cat simply meows at the starting button, which is whichever plays the part of the any key.

Those letters are sharp, dry, and heated. The cats like it that way, unless it gets too hot. On the other hand, the cat can rest in the shade of the great cactus, while it (the cactus) gets to work on the letters to be mailed.

Cactus-written letters are often sent at night while it's dark, even pitch black outside in the desert, hence they're often called blackmail. With a large number of cacti, a single cat is able to send quite a few per day while having the night free for other things.

As cats go off and hunt and do more at night, while cacti deliver mail, there can be quite a lot of activity during the darker hours. And sometimes people wonder, after they get scratched while unable to see what's going on because it's too dark, "Was it a cat or a cactus?" This is one of the greatest mysteries of life, and a jolly good game to play is to figure out the answer to such questions. Curiously though, there are those who find this excellent question meaningless, as they believe that cats do not exist.

Apparently, some cats have used their cacti to convince people of the nonexistence of cats, mass-mailing cleverly crafted disinformation to that effect. What better way to influence people than to swamp the world, overwhelming it with mass-generated messages, while at the same time convincing others that those actually responsible do not even exist? Awareness of this devilish strategy is one of the things propelling some towards particularly hard stances on cats and their place in the world.

Even worse, sometimes cats through their cacti have terribly confused people, leading to even weirder belief systems forming and spreading. The most iconic of these is the teaching that people themselves are cacti, and under the thrall of the cats. The believers tend to look down on the rest of humanity, considering them "asleep" and stuck in Plato's cave. With most of the world's population brainwashed into believing that, while cats exist, they are in fact not writing anything, nor using cacti, nor even wielding much of any influence, the world at large is wide open to further brainwashing campaigns. Who knows what catastrophe may result from them, as increasingly confused minorities form cults and gain prominence?