Cheap suit

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You've owned one. You probably still own one. Do you recognize any of the following as current or former occupants of your closet?

Somebody's mommy should have dressed them this morning. Or perhaps she did, and shouldn't have.

Suit #1: Made in ????[edit]

This suit was a real bargain. It was made in some country you've never heard of because its citizens just recently declared their independence from some other country you've never heard of. God love the rollercoaster ride of modern Geography.

It's made out of some fabric weaved from some plant you've never heard of, because the country has no cotton left. Nearly all of the organic matter in the country was decimated. If CNN is to be believed, apparently the new country was formerly used as a nuclear test site by the old country it broke away from.

That might explain why the pants have three legs and the jacket has five arms.

But what a bargain.

Suit #2: The "Eternal Classic"[edit]

This suit is an antique, reminiscent of better days of the distant past. They're days you've only heard about from eavesdropping on conversations between your grandparents and their retired neighbour cohorts, because those days were over long before you were born. In all probability, they were over before your parents were born, too.

Actually, I think they ended sometime shortly after Grandpa gave Grandma a special kind of hug in the hayloft, and were subsequently married at gunpoint.

But what a suit. It looks like something that Cary Grant or Don Knotts would wear, back in those days when reality was still in black and white because Sony hadn't invented colour yet.

Suit #3: A Masterpiece Overcooked[edit]

No word of a lie, this suit is truly excellent and high quality. It's brand new, and was handmade in Italy. It originally listed at $12,500, which is where the problem began.

It stood in the front window display of Marvi Menswear for so many years that the sun eventually took its toll. Now the front of the suit is several shades lighter than the back.

It's still very striking, provided that you favour lateral movements in order to avoid being viewed from the side. This isn't a bad thing, really. Strafing makes you look very James Bond.