The LORD thy COD

From Illogicopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
A carriage bestly related to God is Illogical list of gods, maybe you should look there

God sitting on his throne and coyly posing for a picture. He's such a tease!

“There's a little bit of God in everyone of us - except them, and especially not they!”

~ The Luffer on God

“There is no God”

~ Anonymous

“There is no anonymous”

~ God

“That joke is old”

~ Another anonymous

“I like God because he doesn't move.”

~ A Deity Hunter

“For my sake!!”

~ God on being stressed

God is a guy that can fly around the universe and can make awesome omelettes. He also brings presents to children every year on December 25th (oh wait, that's the Easter Bunny). He is half wombat, half human, half squid, half nightlight, half sourdough bread half butt. He's also half-cat, half-dolphin, about 75% cotton candy... mmm... Inside Out (film) jokes are so pass(e). God is also Dog spelled backwards. God and all his affiliates are merely a small part of The One.

He's so great that he owns five swimming pools! And a holy template! Template:God!!!!!!

Theme song[edit]

God's theme song, to be sung whenever his mighty presence is felt, is as follows:

All together now!

GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
Oh baby, He can fly in the sun
DOG GOD GOD GOD GOD
He knows how to have a tremendous amount of good healthy fun
Ohhh...GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
If you sneeze he will die so don't sneeze or he'll die and we don't want that to happen
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
He loves you and me and even some trees, aint he just....the BEES KNEES!! Oh yeah...

God's Creationy Process[edit]

It all started in the first week(that God created by the way). God and some other all-powerful beings like Buddha, the Easter Bunny, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and toast decided to make reality, out of sheer boredom. God got in a fight, since ya know He is a compulsive gambler and all and just lost to the Toast. He wanted to show them up so he decided to create the universe and all who inhabit it. SO it goes like this:

  • 0th day: How can there be day zero? That doesn't even make sense. But he's God, so he can do damn well what he please. And there's nothing you can do about it. So don't even try. Ok?
  • 1st day: God created the air, the sea, land, realized He should make land first so He made land THAN the sea. Afterward He made things like birds, dogs, cats, and Pokemon. But than He decided to put the Pokemon in there own world hence them being put underground 'til He made Gameboy Cartridges. After that He just wanted to sleep so....
  • 2nd day: He slept 'til noon woke up and just made a midget He called man than "ripped out" a rib and gave the midget a girlfriend. There names were Adamus and Eevee. But He legally changed there names to Adam and Eve. Than He made a place for them to eat and live which He called Atlantis. But once again changed His mind so He went through the paper work and made it into The Garden Of Eden
  • 3rd day: God made more land and more sea, more birds, catfish and dog fish, and rock 'n' roll which He kept to himself 'til about the time of Jospeh. Than He unleashed him into the world and Josph made Sweet Child 'O Mine, Stairway To Heaven and so forth and so on.
  • 4th day: He slept in AGAIN and decided to turn back time to the morning and spent all day making Law and Order. Yes, God himself made the TV show as He liked it.
  • 5th day: God realized 5 days in a week are too short so He made 2 more.
  • 6th day: God went for a stroll in Atlantis....I mean The Garden Of Eden, chatted with the midgets, ate some fruit, watched soccer which He just invented, drank water which He invented, and made hamburgers which He DIDN'T invent. Adam made those for Him in order to suck up and try to get a big screen TV for him and the wife. God gave him a 4 by 4 foot one.
  • 7th day: He rested like no other God before Him rested. Which actually NO other God before Him had rested. But little did every one know He made butter that day. So that man could one day eat The Toast and all of his offspring. Sweet, Sweet Revenge. Plus He made a Gameboy so he could play with his Pokemon. He loves his Pokemon. Especially Charmander.
  • 8th day: This doesn't even EXIST....yet? Mind...blown.

What People Think of God[edit]

Most people hate God. Among these are emos, goths, chickens, ducks, cats, hippies, Satanists, people who use Microsoft Edge, and n00bs.

However, some people are in love with God. Each night, they complain to him and ask him to do stuff for them (because they believe he has time to listen to them). Some even listen to boring lectures about him in church. God finds all of this quite amusing.

The Bible[edit]

About a zillion years ago, some dude wrote a huge book about him describing his adventures. Of course, God knows it's all lies. But the people don't know that, so they read the book, only to find out that Snape kills Dumbledore at the end of it. Oops, that was a spoiler, wasn't it? Oh well, I just saved you about 5 25 bucks.

God's Letter[edit]

On January 8th, 2010, GOD wrote a letter to mankind, that said:

Hey There, how, how's it going?
Long time no see.
I know I haven't been around much lately
But...it didn't seem like you wanted me to be
The last time I sent down a message you nailed it to the cross
So I figured I'd just leave you to it, let you be your own boss
But I've been keeping an eye on you, I have,
and it's amazing how you've grown.
With your technological advances and the problems you've overthrown,
And all the beautiful art you've created with such grace and such finesse,
But I admit there are a few things I'm afraid have impressed me less.
So I'm writing to apologize for all the horrors committed in my name,
Although that was never what I intended,
I feel I should take my share of the blame.
All the good I tried to do was corrupted
when organised religion got into full swing,
What I thought were quite clear messages were taken to unusual extremes.
My teachings taken out of context to meet the agendas of others,
Interpretations taken to many different ways and hidden meanings discovered
Religion became a tool, for the weak to control the strong
With all these new morals and ethics, survival of the fittest was gone
No longer could the biggest man simply take whatever he needed
'cause damnation was the price if certain rules were not heeded
Some of the deeds committed in my name
just made me wonder were I went wrong.
Back at the start when I created this, the foundation seemed so strong.
See all the elements were already here, long before I began,
I just kind of put it all together
I didn't really think out a long-term plan.
I made the sun an appropriate distance and laid the stars across the sky
So you could navigate the globe or simply watch the sun rise
I covered the earth with plants and fruits,
Some for sustenance and some for beauty
I made the sun shine and the clouds rain
so their maintenance wasn't your duty
I tried to give each creature its own attributes
without making them enveloped
I gave you all you all your own space to
grow and in your own way space to develop
I didn't know such development would cause rifts and jealousy
Cause you to war against each other and leave marks on this planet indelibly
You see, I wasn't really the creator, I was just the curator of nature
I want to get something straight with homosexuals right now: I don't hate ya
I was a simple being that happened to be the first to wield such powers
I just laid the ground, it was You that built the towers
It was You that invented bombs, and the fear that comes with them
And it was You that invented money, and the corrupt economic systems
You invented terms like just-war and terms like friendly fire
And it was You that didn't know
when to stop digging deeper, when to stop building higher
It was You that exhausted the resources I carefully laid out on this earth,
And it was You that even saw these
problems coming but accredited them little worth
It was You that used my teachings for your own personal gain
And it was You that committed such tragedies,
even though they were in my name
So I apologize for any mistakes I made, and when my words misconstrued
But this apology's to mother nature, cause I created you!
...

Even Newgrounds knows about it!

Heavy!

See also[edit]

Gods
Antebellum cthulhu.jpg

André BretonBONJOOK, The Banana GodCheeriosCthulhuFlying Spaghetti MonsterGodGod 2.0GoshGrim ReaperGrim SweeperJoccu-ThanMonkey GodMr BlobbyMr. Peepers, the Duck Hunt dogPrincess StargloQuetzalcoatlSpace SatanThe God of Fried Chicken DrippingsXenu

Antebellum cthulhu.jpg
Everything
Primary measures TimeSpaceGodExistenceExist"A"nceGravityElectricity
Worlds The UniverseWorld of WarcraftHello worldAnti-Earth
Beliefs ChristianityPaganismBuddhismChristianityRandomismCausationScientologyAtheism