Da Moon

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Da Moon is the greatest, most wonderful, energetic and stupid palace ever to be erected on Mars. Its name is derived from the Latin word bonjour which is a type of Australian humpback sheep.

Early Years[edit]

Da Moon was built in 1066 by orders of the Archbishop of Canterbury, and his business partner, Santa, as a prize for a scratchcard (otherwise known as a scam). However, they did not anticipate that anyone would actually win, and when this happened, chaos was the result. Unfortunately, Papa Smurf and the Snorks wanted to build a bubble gum theme park and a statue of Hitler on the exact same spot, which resulted in a galactic war and the unnecessary death of millions of prostitutes and vicars. Papa Smurf was captured and sent to a concentration camp in Caesar Palace, and was tortured by pictures of mating sheep. The Snorks, on the other hand, were shoved into a nuclear reactor where they mutated and evolved into what we now know today as humans.

General Kandoo, leader of Snork Republican Army
Santa - undressed. Not exactly what you imagined eh kiddies?

Foreign Relations[edit]

Da Moon (or otherwise known as the Free Democratic Communist Socialist Fascist Republic of Da Moon) has had many foreign disputes with countries (particularly the fat ones) over resources, such as oil, gas, Pringles and Mars bars.

In addition to this, Da Moon also has a pot-noodle mine, as well as a moderately sized "fat rig" - where fat is extracted and exported directly to the USA, for personal use.

Military[edit]

During the 1980's, the Da Moon Republican Army invaded McDonalds and IBM, because they were bored and needed their precious DruGs! The leader of the Army, the Archbishop of Canterbury, also mistakenly thought that he was buying a Happy Meal.

During the 1990s, the "League of Fat Nations" was set up, members including Russia, the UK, USA, Canada, France, Spain and your mom. Together, these 5 countries plotted to destroy Da Moon, and restore Papa Smurf to the throne.

Fortunately, Santa found out about this and put the "League of Fat Nations" on his naughty list, causing an international crisis and little kiddies rebelling and revolting all over the world.

Tourism[edit]

Da Moon features many touristic attractions, which include the one-eyed statue of a lemming.

"Body Selling" is also a popular hobby in Da Moon, resulting in a high concentration of prostitutes and perverts (including Santa).

Da Moon is also the only place in the world where you can have plastic surgery whilst you are naked. In most countries, this would be seen as an act of violence and stupidity, but here in Da Moon, we see it as being natural.

Da Moon has also been visited by many famous people, including humans. Examples of some famous tourists include Bob, Mary, and that fat comic book store guy from the Simpsons, although he was later executed for being overweight without a license.

Lesbianism[edit]

The art of lesbianism is compulsory in all Martian schools. In Da Moon, children as young as five are expected to learn and practise all basic lesbian moves. If they don't do this, their heads will explode and make a terrible mess all over the persian rug.

In Da Moon, anyone who is not a lesbian is regarded as bent, and will be executed prior to Islamic laws regarding bentness. However, if they are lucky enough to straighten themselves with a hair straightener or an erection machine, then they will not be executed, and be murdered instead, which is much more preferable because murder begins with an m.

The Great Galactic War[edit]

This is the term that is formerly used for the War that happened between the factions of Smurfs and Snorks, and it was a horrific war indeed.

The Snorks were better equipped than the Smurfs, however the Smurfs outnumbered them greatly. Here is an inventory of their equipment and machinery.

THE SNORKS[edit]

They had Corn-on-the-Cob jet fighters that were devastating to the Smurfs' forces. They flew around Da Moon firing mouldy bits of pasta and food colouring at the Smurfs. This was because the Smurfs being blue is what gives them their immense power. Turn them yellow, and they disintegrate; green, and they become mentally impaired; purple, and they get amnesia; red, and they die squealing in pain as they slowly melt. This was painful for the Smurfs, but the best way for the Snorks to win the war.

Also, they had gravy guns. These contained week old gravy skins that once fired would cling to their bodies and prevent them from moving. The guns also had a rapid fire button for pelting the enemy in the face with small globules of gravy, knocking them over like bowling pins. If the Snorks were feeling particularly evil, they would add sweetcorn to the mix, which was sure to provide instant death upon contact.

Snorks also had bigger dicks than the Smurfs, which would come to be very useful to them when they were fighting hand-to-hand, because they could easily be converted into swords.

Not to be confused with[edit]