IllogiNews:Vodka boost halts castle production
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages. |
24 Septiembre 2010
SCHWIENWEZEGN, GERMANY - The construction of many castles across Europe have come to a shocking halt from the rise in popularity of the alcoholic beverage vodka, due to people taking their drinks "on the rocks". The normal flow of vodka drinkers usually didn't delay the collection of rocks for castle construction, whoever, a recent boost in vodka drinking has lead to overuse of the rock supply in the local quarry by alcoholics.
"This is terrible, they're taking the rocks right from in between our toes, the bastards. I think they took my toe jam, too, so I guess there's a plus to all of this." said a rock miner/castle builder. Others have also voiced their rage. "This is all Russia's fault, the damn commies. All the have are AK's and vodka, and the vodka is [sex]ing things up real bad right now. It's like that one movie, the 'Punt for Red October'. Russians playing football? Please."
King Klaus III, the head construction manager of the castle projects, has announced "staken bien stuben" or something like that, which we interpreted as "bad feelings".
Many workers have started strikes against the vodka drinkers. In response, the vodka drinkers drank more vodka. Several of them brought their pet cows, goats, and pigs to the rocks with them.
"I like it on the rocks," said a drinker. "I also like the smell of my pig's foot."
Other people have stayed out of the mess, most notably mailmen, who simply put letters in the mailboxes that they were supposed to. Biochemists also had no reaction, along with bullfighters in Spain. However, watermelon farmers have found a strong urge to side with the castle builders.