Illogicopedia:History/Subbuteo vs. Super Japan

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This page is an archive of all pages made in honor of, to forward or during the Subbuteo vs. Super Japan war.

The great war of Subbuteo and Super-Japan, and some other countries and celebrities who I cannot name for legal reasons[edit]

The great war of Subbuteo and Super-Japan, dubbed 'the lamest excuse for a war ever', has taken the lives of over 287658768 kajillion thousand hundred million people and koalas, including Dawn French and the fat guy from lost, a high ranked and much respected Subbuteonese warrior/fat.

Why? WHY?!?[edit]

The history behind the war was long and unimportant, what matters now is that it is happening for no reason and we must fight in it apparently.

No, seriously, we wanna know why it started you Turdpusher[edit]

Alright, keep your socks on, I'll tell you what happened, through the medium of dance...

STFU!![edit]

Fine dumbass, I'll tell it straight. To begin, Subbuteo and Super-Japan were part of one nation, the Super-Subbupanese. They lived a happy and carefree life, without fights or rivalries, untill the one was born who would destroy this friendship and end the lives of whatever number of people i said earlier. His name was...WALLY!!!!!! Wally was a far-middle extremist, and from an early age despised the Subbuteonese because they slaughtered his family over a disagreement over fence-boundaries. He joined the terrorist group 'The Backstreet boy-toys' (or TBBTs), who's sole aim was to divide Super-Japan and their Subbuteonese friends. They succeeded in causing this divide after planting Kitten explosives on a Subbuteo-bound train, killing 500 gazillion Subbuteo citizens and 3 ducks. Subbuteo called for independance, and this was Granted by the Evil Council. Not long after, Super-Japan declared war on Subbuteo because they refused to surrender Nick Frost to the Super-Japanese.

Wally worked his way up TBBTs ranks, Becomming the number one soldier of the Super-Japan army, but was killed by a Subbuteonese Koala-thrower in the battle of middle Earth. He is now the great martyr of Super-Japan, and is the official God of the country.

A note from our spouses Sponsors[edit]

Super-Japan wants to be friends with Subbuteo. is this possible? 127.0.0.1

NO STFU RTFM MrMetalFLower 05:45 14 March 2007 (EST)
LIER TWASNTMICH MrMetalFLower 06:25, 14 March 2007 (EST)
LIER TWASYICHT METHINX The Great Commander HelloolleH of the Subbuteonese Uber-squad of elite soldiers etc including John Travolta 0800 hours 19 Marchuary 1337 (STD)
The Flamey Snake sez: All of youse, STFU. Flameviper 19:03, 14 March 2007 (EST)

Don't Join Subbuteo![edit]

Superjapflag.PNG
Proudly Independent for 100 Years
An obvious good choice, The Super Japanese are bringers of good will and free pizza on tuesdays. Oh, and if you go to war with us, we'll kill you with our kindness alone. Take that, Subbuteo, you violent mingrelles!
Superjapflag.PNG
Proudly Independent for 100 Years
An obvious good choice, The Super Japanese are bringers of good will and free pizza on tuesdays. Oh, and if you go to war with us, we'll kill you with our kindness alone. Take that, Subbuteo, you violent mingrelles!
Superjapflag.PNG
Proudly Independent for 100 Years
An obvious good choice, The Super Japanese are bringers of good will and free pizza on tuesdays. Oh, and if you go to war with us, we'll kill you with our kindness alone. Take that, Subbuteo, you violent mingrelles!

Allow me to appeal to you. A Subbuteoan government of the avergae town raises taxes by an intangible amount, leaving little pocket money for the average homeless child. They also eat bananas. Why can't they switch to apples? They're so much faster, and they don't require a reboot every 0.3 seconds. The Subbuteoan government uses koalas as weapons. Their potency in battle is admirable, but such consumption of resources is avaracious at best. Super Japan's ability to scrounge war from the bottom of a barrel is a testament; we can blind our enemies ninety percent of the time with a pepper shaker. And we have ninjas, who flip out and KILL. I mean, one of our ninja cavalry was against two Subbuteoan ultra superheroes, and the Subbuteoan army. Ten minutes, the dust cleared and there was a hamburger made of Red Mage and a muscle-bound chair made of the Hulk's dismembered being. The army ran away like little girls, screaming. They knew they were next.


Don't not mess with Super Japan, Subbuteoans.

The Subbuteo Revolution of the Golden Toilet Seat[edit]

Many a moon ago there was a terrifying battle that burnt a black hole through all not-so-"well hung" mortals had their eyes burnt and sprinkled with onion. The ferocious heavily armed pacifistic armies had eyed each up other up from either side of the arena ande were growling relentlessly. The third reich of the subbuteo army led by their legal benefactor Testostereich charged at the opposing Super Japanese and ran in with their swords and guns and tanks (on their shoulders) and their turpentine based acid which as i am informed is wang-tastic stuff. The super Japanese charged also and a climatic battle(like last night with that thing - I presume it was a female of whatever it was) would surely be reached.

What I forgot to say earlier (or what I remembered to forget in order to fulfill my nonsensical cravings)[edit]

What I should have mentioned earlier^{{2}} is that being wussies who flinched at corpses play-fighting the two armies decided to settle their differences on non-violent team-based games such as capture the flag, football, catch that mace, axe throwing, limb throwing and mutilated death (bit of a wussy game).

Moving back on to the crymaxic battle[edit]

The endangered Subbuteo knights had gambled away their flags and their creditors were threatening to "rip their f*****g ankles off!!!" so they did what all men would - found a nice hole, curled up and died. After resurrecting themselves somehow they fought on, they distracted the super Japanese with Robin William's chest hair and made love under a parasol. pokemon intestines were found littered all over the make-shift love nest.

This historically accurate account of the The Subbuteo revolution of the Golden Toilet seat was based upon a first hand account sent to me by one of the deceased in the form of a two word text - to someone elses phone.

You are DEAD, Subbuteo![edit]

Superjapflag.PNG
Proudly Independent for 100 Years
An obvious good choice, The Super Japanese are bringers of good will and free pizza on tuesdays. Oh, and if you go to war with us, we'll kill you with our kindness alone. Take that, Subbuteo, you violent mingrelles!


We WARNED you! You didn't comply. You can koala us all you want. We've got kittens for explosives, Sol Cannons from that one war, and 700,000,000 Japanese holding muskets. We warned you, now you're DEAD.

DEAD DEAD DEAD.

We've got all the cannons we need, exploding kittens, and cabbages. You feed your soldiers rations, we feed ours steroids and healthy food. You use koalas, we use virulent explosives, cats, which can take out entire Subbuteoan cities. You really don't want to mess with us. You don't know what you're doing. Surrender peacefully and run home quietly and you won't get smacked around the battlefield for a few years, kthx.

DEAD DEAD DEAD.

The first target of attack, Sgt. Metalflower's home.

We'll destroy everyone of your neighbourhoods. We'll destroy all of your civilization. We'll eat every f**king thing out of your fridge. We'll drink all your beer. We'll flush your toilet while you have a shower. Are you listening to me? It's over. Give up. even the peacemakers agree; you're going to be humiliated if you keep trying. It's over. It's over. It's over.

DEAD DEAD DEAD.

But it's not all bad. If you can make it up to us, possibly by showering us with gifts and giving us a crapload of bay leaves, we'll give you a hug and maybe a small pint of dirt. We'll also only slap you around the battlefield for 3 months. If that isn't being somewhat kind, I don't know what it is. We also have Celine Dion on our side, and even Fluffalizer is fighting for our cause.

Subbuteo/SuperJapan*Doom*Death=TheEnd

?News:Super Japan Finishes Onslaught on America, Contacts Subbuteo[edit]

We've done our part. Your turn Subbuteo. Our army is barely weakened, despite what you may expect. We've got our forces readied at our strongholds, secured for attack, and a bunch of really nasty Sol Cannons. And we still have a few more mages with that spell. Now, are you going to attack us? Y'see, we don't have trust quite yet. We did our job. If you so much as break your end the bargain, we'll attack. I'm serious. and we'll ship off the captured soldiers to interrogation. So. Sign below:


Don't worry, you've fulfiled our end of the bargain, so we'll fulfil ours. We're not that bad.Random Dude on the street: Or are you? no.you sure?>

Subbuteo
Emperor MetalFlower

Citizens of Subbuteo[edit]

Citizens of Subbuteo is a complicated and philosophical game released in Subbuteo. This game was intended upon release to boost Subbuteoan morale, but it just made them LOL and become atheist.

Opening titles script[edit]

{Subbuteo National Anthem begins playing, various people party, various people accidentally die of lead poisoning}

Game Plot[edit]

  • Are you kidding? Plot?
    • Yes, a plot.
  • Oh yeah.
    • Go on...
  • Yeah, we sort of forgot to include that.
    • Well, improvise!
  • Um, let's see... The brutal-
    • Bigger voice!

The brutal super japanese have monged, wronged, and worst of all hammer and tonged your honour in the most brutal way. They also killed your mum. You must rally all citizens and throw things at them!

  • Koalas?

Precisely.

Controversy[edit]

  • Activist groups claim that, in the opening title, they forgot to include plonged and thonged. This could cause a lot of embarrassment as the lack of this makes the sentence mean "I will, at some point, egg your grave" rather than the actual meaning.
  • Super Japan SUXX0Rz!