St. Louis
St. Louis is the best city in the world, which also makes it the best city in Missouri. It has a parabola. How many other cities do you know that have a parabola? If the Greater St. Louis Area were pre-Risorgimento Italy, St. Louis would be the Papal States. Wait, no, the Greater St. Louis Area IS pre-Risorgimento Italy. Unless you're of German descent. Then it's pre-Einigung Germany.
St. Louis is referred to as The Gateway to Political Bribery by natives and Illinoisians who find themselves on the wrong side of the river. In Ancient Missouri, the city was the center of philosophical innovation, in contrast to Kansas City, which is more concerned with its baseball conquests. Also, the traffic on I-55 S sucks during rush hour. (But don't they all, though? Also, why'd this guy pick 55? He never been on 270?)
Background[edit | edit source]
The Greater St. Louis Area consists of 300 municipalities, principalities, duchies, and towns. They are all in fierce competition with each other for the title of "Most Arrogant Irrationally Proud Suburb of St. Louis". St. Louis is above this petty infighting. St. Louis knows it is the best.
History[edit | edit source]
St. Louis was founded by Pierreasfdgtns Laclèdedfjdrthsr and Augustesdhserhesrh Chouteausdrhsr6myfgb. Chouteausdrhsr6myfgb's last name has the numeral 6 in it because that is his age when he confounded St. Louis. It's a silent 6, like much of the consonants in that name. At first, St. Louis was kind of mediocre, but then St. Louis, riding on a Clydesdale, arrived and gave the inhabitants of St. Louis a parabola, toasted ravioli, and arrogance, transforming St. Louis into the city we all envy today.
The death rattle of the cobra rings at twice the decibels of the normal viper. What follows next may surprise you.
Everything was great until Jack Dorsey materialized and set off on his quest to lead the League of Panera to destroy Sid Meier's Civilization.
The rest of the history of St. Louis is recorded in the First Evangelium of Homer G. Phillips.
The Question[edit | edit source]
The Question is "Where did you go to high school?" This is really a coded way of asking "Do you has?" The object of this sentence is unknown but is commonly believed to be "a friend in the diamond business".