A Day In The Life Of A Nerd
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Why, hello, fellow Internet users! I trust your browsing experience has been most pleasurable! Anyway, I would like to draw forth your attention to my account of recent events that have occurred on the day of Monday 23rd June 2009 in my nerdish subculture, so that you may understand what it is like to be categorized under what some might call a stereotype.
Day 1, Monday 23rd June 2009, 9:09 AM - Why, it's the beginning of another day! How pleasant. I awaken from my mother's basement which I have converted into a shrine to technological and scientific advancement and proceed to the floor above which I reside to consume a breakfast of waffles and syrup, prepared for me by my mother. Moderately convenient, in my opinion. After this breakfast, I proceed back down to my living quarters where I begin my day by starting up my computer (which I built myself) with Pentium Dual-Core E2180 microprocessor and connecting to my hi-speed broadband Internet connection. After a successful connection attempt I reach the popular multi-player on-line role playing game RuneScape and log in using my username and password. I am greeted by a message from a fellow RuneScape player, "hi can i haz free stoof plz" - a dilemma ensues! I have here an unfortunate player who has quite clearly no experience in the world of Glielnor yet I need to retain my money at its peak level for the purchase of various items. I succumb to one of the basic human impulses - I tell a lie. "I'm sorry, fellow RuneScaper, I do not have the money you require!". He stands still, remaining in silence for a moment - and then leaves, asking another high-levelled player for the aforementioned items.
9:41 AM - After my lie, I feel ever more compelled to perform more duties leaning towards the "evil" side of things. I now use a hacking tool which me and a kind young man named TehUberLeetHaxorZombieWarLordChaosKnight2217314 produced in a collaboration effort. I connect to a proxy server and point my browser with the TULHZWLCK2217314 xHypeRx Hack Engine v18.6 add-on enabled to illogicopedia.org. Using the same proxy, I TERMINATE the site leaving nothing more than an "Error 404" message. My crusade against this site lasts all of 5 minutes before the server restores itself and stops lagging - a world record for a hacker such as myself. Another achievement to add to my MySpace page, hopefully.
10:32 AM - Reading Wikipedia. I fix some minor speling mistaeks on pages of my interest.
10:38 AM - I reside from my duties in the world of the Internet to perform my duties. No, I don't mean I needed to answer nature's call, I mean answer the call of my mother as she shouts a request at me, "Could you go to the store and get me some groceries?" - an urgent request. I instantly rush out the door and to the nearest supermarket, clutching tightly the list provided, entitled "shopping list". First item: bread - surely enough, I find this. Then I was to retrieve butter. Yet another dilemma - which brand of butter am I to get? Quality... or price? The ultimate choice! I decide to go for quality and then proceed quickly to my duties of ever increasing urgency - eggs. Got them - milk, got that too - my task is complete. I retreat to my home, items in hand and continue browsing the Internet.
11:04 AM - I access the IRC network and engage in a conversation with a gamer who informs me that I R T3H N0 L1F3 N3R[). Pfffft, like I didn't already know that. Some people have no taste in insults. I inform him that his stupidity is bequeathed to him by generations of inbreeding, and he hacks my Internet.
11:19 AM - Internet's down for 3 hours because of that h4x0r. Enraged, I take out my anger by calculating more digits of pi. 3.14159265358797232 is more satisfying than you'd initially think.
2:44 PM - Internet's back! I now have the urge to play RuneScape, so I satisfy this urge only to find that my account has been hacked. But no worries - I've got another 4 months of free time to make a new account and train it again. Well, better get busy!
5:51 - I have completed my task using an auto-training program while I do vector calculus and converse with various gamers over IRC. Oh, the joys of generated macro accounts. Hoepefully I shall not be the reciever of another "we banned you and didn't read your ban appeal" message from JaGeX.
9:41 AM - After my lie, I feel ever more compelled to perform more duties leaning towards the "evil" side of things. I now use a hacking tool which me and a kind young man named TehUberLeetHaxorZombieWarLordChaosKnight2217314 produced in a collaboration effort. I connect to a proxy server and point my browser with the TULHZWLCK2217314 xHypeRx Hack Engine v18.6 add-on enabled to illogicopedia.org. Using the same proxy, I TERMINATE the site leaving nothing more than an "Error 404" message. My crusade against this site lasts all of 5 minutes before the server restores itself and stops lagging - a world record for a hacker such as myself. Another achievement to add to my MySpace page, hopefully.
10:32 AM - Reading Wikipedia. I fix some minor speling mistaeks on pages of my interest.
10:38 AM - I reside from my duties in the world of the Internet to perform my duties. No, I don't mean I needed to answer nature's call, I mean answer the call of my mother as she shouts a request at me, "Could you go to the store and get me some groceries?" - an urgent request. I instantly rush out the door and to the nearest supermarket, clutching tightly the list provided, entitled "shopping list". First item: bread - surely enough, I find this. Then I was to retrieve butter. Yet another dilemma - which brand of butter am I to get? Quality... or price? The ultimate choice! I decide to go for quality and then proceed quickly to my duties of ever increasing urgency - eggs. Got them - milk, got that too - my task is complete. I retreat to my home, items in hand and continue browsing the Internet.
11:04 AM - I access the IRC network and engage in a conversation with a gamer who informs me that I R T3H N0 L1F3 N3R[). Pfffft, like I didn't already know that. Some people have no taste in insults. I inform him that his stupidity is bequeathed to him by generations of inbreeding, and he hacks my Internet.
11:19 AM - Internet's down for 3 hours because of that h4x0r. Enraged, I take out my anger by calculating more digits of pi. 3.14159265358797232 is more satisfying than you'd initially think.
2:44 PM - Internet's back! I now have the urge to play RuneScape, so I satisfy this urge only to find that my account has been hacked. But no worries - I've got another 4 months of free time to make a new account and train it again. Well, better get busy!
5:51 - I have completed my task using an auto-training program while I do vector calculus and converse with various gamers over IRC. Oh, the joys of generated macro accounts. Hoepefully I shall not be the reciever of another "we banned you and didn't read your ban appeal" message from JaGeX.