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Evidence[edit | edit source]

He had a dodgy accent, and in German, 'I like yoyos' is amazingly similar in pronunciation to 'Wipe the Jews from the face of the Earth'. Silly Germans! Also, in English, his accent made 'I want a glass of juice' sound like 'I want to gas all Jews'. Silly Germans!


The X thingy in the middle is actually his handprint. It became like that when a tank rolled over him.

Many people don't know that the swastika is the logo of the official yoyo fan club of Germany. See? A yo-yo in flight.

His Nazi regime is often criticised when in fact it was a simple yoyo club. The phrase "HEIL HITLER! HEIL HITLER!" is in actual fact a form of greeting in yoyoist lingo, not German.

“Really, why would they say something like that if they can say hi?”

Shut up, I'm on a roll here. THERE's NO BARBECUE TILL I SAY THERE's A BARBECUE! NIPPLE SALADS! etc etc etc....

He also liked to point stuff out a lot, because Germany back in the days was VERY interesting. Unfortunately, due to accidentally trapping his hand in a trouser press after mistaking it for a pair of hip jeans, he points with his whole hand.

The "toothbrush" years[edit | edit source]

Hitler topped himself in his secret bunker and when the Russians arrived they thought it would be a waste just to leave his body lying there being put to no good use. So they stuffed his body and made a puppet out of him. The puppet first aired on Russian TV with new toothbrush ad's. Russia's favourite ad was the one where Hitler was cleaning his teeth with his own moustache and then a man in a KGB uniform comes up to him and says "hey that's not the way to do it. Use a REAL toothbrush for a change!." Hitler goes "wow!" Most Russian toddlers now have nightmares about this.

The modern ads[edit | edit source]

It's a shame really. Nowadays they don't use his real body. Instead they use those flashy CGI graphics. The bastards. So what if the body is just a stinking, decomposed piece of unrecognizable sjink? It's Hitler, for crying out loud, deer fur-her!

Hitler's Secret Club[edit | edit source]

Hitler when he was in the Hitler Youth

Very recently, Hitler's secret club has been unearthed underneath a Pflanzenklassifizierung car park somewhere in Berlin. It was found in immaculate condition. Formed when Lil' Adolf was 12.5 years old, it was a giant metal square with a purple banner saying "Nein Girls Allowed!!".

Adolf Hitler by George Hamburg[edit | edit source]

Hitler meets Churchill to negotiate a good car insurance deal, and how to 'walk the dog'.
I know lots about history
And about the regadeeee
I think its a fat person
maybe as fat as a fat crayon
crayons are faattt
Fat as snuggles
But not snuggles
'Cause snuggles isn't fat.
Well I know!
Do you know?
Oh them mexicans
They don't like cows
or me.
I giggle at the face of pickle parties
I love the taste of Smarties.
by George Hamburg