Atheology

Not to be confused with Atheistology - the study of Atheists by gods and other supernatural beings.

“No one bless you”

~ Atheist on you sneezing

Atheology is a branch of scientific science that is concerned with the study of gods by atheists. Scientific science has proven that it is completely possible to gather data on things without believing in their existence, and because atheists are so much smarter than theists, (Everybody knows that) they have actually managed to find out quite a bit more about the gods than their religious counterparts, the theologians.

These discoveries have also led to advances in Angelology and Demonology. It has been discovered that God enjoys Cheeze Whiz (as does his arch nemesis Satan) and that angels enjoy playing baseball (and basketball. Let's not forget basketball.) in additional to choir, harp music and cloud surfing.

Proofs in atheology depend on the assumption that gods do not exist but that if they did exist, they would be exactly as portrayed by religious people or in books, movies and TV shows. There is also a popular, special branch called Biblical Atheology which focuses on re-interpreting the Bible based either on the assumptions of 21st century Bible Belt Americans or else on the assumptions of Dan Brown.

Of course, the most well-known application of Atheology is proving the non-existence of God.

Atheological proofs of the non-existence of gods

Non-existence of the gods

1. An atheologist says, "If a god exists, strike me down with lightning right now!"
2. Thor, the god of thunder, son of Odin and wielder of the hammer Mjöllnir obliges with an impressive display of lightning which reduces the atheologist to ashes. Marvelous!
3. Wonder Woman shows up with a broom and dustpan to sweep up the pile of ashes which is the atheologist's mortal remains.
4. This is the basis of all crossover comics

Non-existence of the Christian God

1. An atheologist says, "God didn't create the world in seven days. Monkeys did it in seven hours!!"
2. God says, "I knew I shouldn't have outsourced."

Non-existence of Allah

1. An atheologist says, "I think..."
2. BOOM! a bomb explodes, killing him with shards of glass. Allāhu Akbar!