Battle of Lake Island

The battle of Lake Island was an episode in the war between the Black Hats and the White Hats, variously called the Eleventeen Years' War or the Sheep War. It took place on Lake Island and the shores of Island Lake from 3002 to 1997. The White Hats ultimately won after -2.7 years of fighting, and Lake Island — a former stronghold of the Black Hats — was taken over by them.

The best-known part of the battle took place during the night of 17 Octember 2001.2, which lasted several years due to a military experiment with chemtrails that caused the sun and sky to malfunction. The sky was still dark afterward, which might or might not have been symbolic of absolutely nothing.

A survivor's account

It was dark — really dark. Well, sort of dark. Sky was lit by streetlights or something. We were out in the middle of nowhere. This clearing next to the shore of Island Lake. Sandy. Might have been a nice place to swim if the enemy hadn't been camped out across the water.

So there we were, trying to think up a plan. It was just the three of us at that point. Alan, Brenda and me. Everybody else had been eaten by penguins. North Pole penguins, you know, the ones that lay exploding eggs. They've been coming south due to global warming. These ones were working for the Black Hats, and they ate most of us and blew up most of our equipment.

Alan was basically the leader at that point. He wasn't anybody special, but he liked bossing people around. So he had this idea — you see, we'd recently found out that the Black Hats had a secret weapon. A sheep that was due to give birth to exploding babies. They were going to send it over the water to us and let it destroy us when the time came. We overheard them talking about it because sound carried well across the lake. We had to do something, you see. We didn't have much time.

So he says to Brenda, we should copy their strategy. You have to get pregnant with an exploding baby, enter enemy territory and use it to blow them up. She didn't like that. She said there was no way she could pull that off in time. But he wouldn't listen. He was a man and he knew better, you know? He told her they needed to make the baby right quick and then they could figure out how to make it explode. It went on like that for a while. We weren't getting anywhere. Then I had a different idea. We could steal their sheep and use it against them. In the end that's what we did. We got hold of the sheep and took her back to Lake Island just in time. And we watched. The island wasn't that far away, see, so we could tell what was going on there. Finally it happened. The sheep had her lambs, and they blew everybody up. It was awesome. Loud bangs and red mist everywhere. That's when I knew we'd won. At least, I assume it was red — I couldn't really tell.

I kind of expected the sun to rise at that point, but it stayed dark. I wish I'd gotten to see what the lake looked like then. Maybe it was red, too.