Beware the road goose

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Mice in the belfry,
Bats on the lawn,
Looking for reasons,
they're already gone.


Looking for sausage
to roast on a spit.
Looking for earmuffs
that really do fit.

Found me a sausage,
but it pitched a fit.
Found me some earmuffs,
but they hiss and they spit.

Put me down!
Honk! Help! Honk!

Roasted the earmuffs.
The sausage got loose.
It was last seen
out chasing a goose.

The goose was seen running
down I-95
with state troopers behind,
shouting "Take her alive!"


Geese are bad drivers,
that's commonly known,
Poor when they're goslings,
and worse when they're grown.

They don't do speed limits,
or stop signs or ....
Stay out of their way,
or you're like to get hit.


Ducks in the downspout,
mice in the grid.
Looking for someone
to ask what they did.

Mice in the conduits,
looking for cheese.
If they cut all the wires,
we will surely all freeze.[1]

Hot stuff!

Mice in my pantaloons.
Why are they there?
Can't they go find
their own underwear?

Dogs using dormphone
drive everyone nuts.
Always, they tap dial,
... um.[2]

Bugs in the software.
Bugs in my ear.
Bugs in the wall sound
uncommonly near,


when I'm trying to sleep,
and it's 7 AM,
and the bugs have been bugging
since I don't know when.


I chase them with candles,
I chase them with sticks,
I chase them with bees wax
to make them all slick.

Looking for sausage
for roasting on sticks.
Looking for candles
that haven't got wicks.

The wicks can catch fire,
no matter their weight.
We don't pay attention
until it's too late.

In case you wanted to know

If the bugs eat the candles
with wicks, they explode,
and pieces of house
lie all over the road.

Apologies to anyone who reads to the end of
this, optimistically hoping for a conclusion...

  1. The furnace control wires run through these conduits, see, and the mice ... anyway you get the idea.
  2. Boy did this verse ever run off the end of the tracks. Just about nobody's ever heard of "dormphone", and how many people younger than your grandma will know what "tap dialing" even means?
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