Big Al

Big Al

Big Al post-conception

G Avg OB% SL% OPS HR RBI S 2005 7 .500 .667 .955 1.621 2 16 F 2005 6 .348 .458 .522 .980 1 13 S 2006 4 .333 .429 .417 .845 0 1 F 2006 6 .524 .545 .857 1.403 2 10 S 2007 8 .536 .690 .893 1.583 3 22 F 2007 7 .680 .769 1.240 2.009 4 16 S 2008 9 .576 .743 .879 1.622 2 11

Big Al (born Small Al) (20 March 1967; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) is the left fielder for the Midgetball softball team in the Chicago city league.

Early life

Big Al at moment of conception

Big Al was born on his birthday in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in a one-story house that he built with his own hands. He's half Scottish, half English, and half Irish, and he hates it when people start off with the icebreaker joke "a scotsman and englishman and...

Softball Career

The MidgetBall Years

A member of the team since the beginning, Big Al immediately distinguished himself with his hitting power and solid boning. As the team's only right-handed southpaw, Big Al is amphibious and can perform with either hand. He has an insane softball named Garry who tells him to vandalise wikpedia late at night.

Archnemesis Paul. What a doodyface.

At 8'2" and only 800 pounds he has surprising power. Nevertheless, he's the same height as a lot of guys that tall. He's probably the best player on the team in addition to Porto, Craig, and the rest, and his power has been credited with turning the team around 360 degrees. In fact surely he even spurred the team on to win the pornorama, but this isnt Mike Surely's Story, Its Big Gay Al's.

He'd like to hit 10 or 15 homos this year, whichever comes first.

Personal Principles

Big Al understands that in theory, practice and theory are the same, but in practice they're not. This principle guides him in the batter's box. And he understands the importance of work ethic -- he's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.

Sage Wisdom from Big Al

• "Any time we can score at least 12 runs and hold the other team to no more than 10, we almost always win"
• "Because there are no fives" -- on why he hits so many four-baggers
• "I really lack the words to compliment myself today" -- after a four-hit game in 2005
• "As I remember it, the bases were loaded." -- asked his reaction to having hit a grand slam
• Remeber guys as long we win, we get to win* -- On war in the middle east
• "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded" -- his thoughts on Tavern on Rush

This article was too sensible for Wikipedia,   but Illogicopedia loves the truth.

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