Cunning Linguists

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Damn cunning linguists.

Damn those cunning, tricky linguists! They're so good with words, being able to put those words right in their mouths and work with them for minutes, even hours if the time is right! And they always get great results, I tell you. All the girls love it when they use their words like that. I wish I knew cunning linguistic skills. I wish I could please people in that way, like they can. I suppose it's a natural gift, I suppose that you are just born with be ability to be a cunning linguist.

But cunnilingus, that's a different matter. I'm really good at it, which is probably why I've had so many girlfriends over the years. They love the way I can use my tounge! So screw all those cunning linguists, because I've got a tongue that don't just talk, it works! And it works hard!

Linguistic Talents[edit]

Becoming a linguist who is able to use his or her skills for maximum pleasure is a difficult goal to reach. Practice truly makes perfect when it comes to using your mouth in this way. Try it on your cat or dog sometime. Just talk a little bit to them, start by talking about the day. Or, if that frightens you too much, take some time to tell them what your true, deep feelings are. If a family member died, use some linguistic skills at their funeral. Talk about their wonderful life, and how many cigarettes they smoked when they were still amongst the living. Get a lap dance from a prostitute after the funeral and even try out your cunilingus skills when you get her in bed! The possibilities are endless for you! In fact, its even starting to make me feel jealous.

Ge together with a good friend, and start practicing as soon as possible. Work those words in your mouth. Sometimes it'll get sticky with all the saliva you're working up. You might get a little too excited, and bite in the wrong place during a particularly fiery part of your oration. When this happens, you could draw blood. Ouch. But just hold a napkin to your filthy mouth, and it'll soon get better. Then go at it again. Tell your friend to sit back and relax while you work your magic. Hopefully, they will enjoy it and be very impressed to experience what you can stimulate with your mouth and your words.


Some girls have hair.

Like stated before, you can give it a go on the dog and see how she likes it. Of course, it might be trickier because there is a definite hair barrier there. Dogs have thick hair around the ears which can make communication difficult sometimes. But if you push the hair away or even shave it off, you will have much greater access to the area. Then, go to town. With many human girls, there could also be hair in the same place. So if there is hair around the ears, you can push it to the side or even fiddle with it to get their attention before speaking. After that, warm up your lips by humming. Eating mints can help a lot. Then start talking and remember to have conversation planned beforehand. Soon, she'll be squirming with amazement at what your mouth can do.

WARNING: Some dumb people will tell you that these skills can be practiced at home in front of a mirror. That is just wrong. A mirror is very cold and does not act kindly when the saliva really starts flowing. Rather, practice on a pear or other juicy object. These sort of things really facilitate the hard jaw action and chomping that being a cunning linguist requires. Be sure to wipe your lips and keep on going even if your oratory gets passionate and juice gets everywhere. Just keep truckin', as the great linguist Jerry Garcia famously said. He knew how to get those ladies to listen to his conversations, too.