The Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail (officially Ze Maille) is a paper-based publication popular amongst the very old and easily influenced. It provides a satirical take on the daily news plus a small selection of actual happenings as well, usually hidden on page 34 just before the double-page spread on David Cameron's alleged allotments in The North.

The most popular part of the paper is the cartoon strip page, though thanks to government cutbacks and overwhelming immigration levels to the United Kingdom (read: The South) this has been reduced to a one-frame drawing of a man shooting a dog as well as a 3x3 'Mega Hard' sudoku puzzle. If you see actual reality, you're probably a Daily Fail Mail journalist.

The television guide has also suffered in recent times as newer editors decide to ditch interactivity in favour of more space for Nicholas Griffin commemorative mantelpiece plates. But then nobody who reads the Mail would even think about polluting their brains with such liberal propaganda as television and the mainstream media anyway, so nobody cares.

The Daily Mail is also an alternate form of The King of Limbs, which is also an alternate form of Radiohead, in which you ALWAYS jump the queue with as an excuse for having a disregard for human life.

The Daily Mail Game[edit]

See how many pages it takes for the editors to squeeze the line 'we're all going to die' into any paragraph, subliminally or otherwise. The world record currently stands at page four, not counting that time Bono was allowed to write the front page article.

See also[edit]