Danimals
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Danimals are the silly and vaguely Germanic invaders who seem to function as.. mascots.. for the Dannon water company.
History[edit | edit source]
The Danimals are, or at least, were, once a powerful race. They descend from an ancient sub-species of mammal, and their race once ruled the Earth, but it was called "Reznor" at the time. Also, Jimmy Hendrix was there. And Batman.
Powers[edit | edit source]
The Danimals possess some rather unique abilities. They look and ride locomotives just like animals do, but they have the ability to speak human languages, walk on two legs and compete in the X Games. They also have other powers including, but not limited to:
- Eye beams
- Becoming a Super Saiyan
- Fusing to form MegaDanimals
- Transforming into plush toys
In 1997, Arthur Archer, a father of two from Millville, New Jersey, discovered that his 8 year old son, Kevin Archer, received a Playboy magazine in the mail after he mailed in a winning label a few weeks earlier. Outraged, his dad sued Danimals for $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
Current Events[edit | edit source]
For a while, it seemed the allure of the Dannon water company could suppress the dark powers of the Danimals. But now the company seems to have ditched the Danimals for a new, edgier Danimal, classified as Danimal 2.0 ( XL ) He is some sort of tiger... purple.. leopard.. Thing.
He seems to be a genetic hybrid of a Danimal and Stupid. His future is unclear, but more importantly.. what happened to the Original Danimals? Perhaps they became Astronauts? Or basketball players? Maybe they went to the Circus? Maybe they're extinct.
Who knows? But whatever happened to these ancient and powerful beings, one thing is for sure... They sure didn't know how to skateboard...
And that concludes this modest article.