Digital tomatoes
“I like to chew them with my teeth and swallow them with my esophagus. Disregard that, I suck carrots.”
Digital tomatoes live inside your mouth and tell you what to say.
From nonexisting to existing[edit | edit source]
Digital tomatoes grow on the underside of diseased mustaches. Between 4 to 5 weeks they become stupid enough to fill out paperwork, hunt for elks, and convert all of their dollars over to dinars. At that point they are all gathered together and force to drive in a school bus down to Mexico on a road trip to smuggle prescription drugs to be used to subdue all the wild aardvarks of Nebraska.
From the farm to your local grocery store[edit | edit source]
Digital tomatoes are wheeled in on the backs of trucks stolen from the Corleone family. An invisible army of stock boys are called upon to stomp them all into pulp with heavy leather boots. This oozy reddish concoction is then run through alcohol filters in order to make the blood of good clean Christian aisha vixen develop hard, bitter faces at the sight of wrenches and corkscrews.
From the local grocery store to your mouth[edit | edit source]
When you manage to scrape together enough spare chance from your boring and soul-crushing job at the paperclip office, you waddle your bloated butt over to the local grocery store to unload your wallet on cheap baubles, romantic comedies, and unhealthy junk food. But on the way to the toiletries aisle you notice all the digital tomatoes splattered all over the walls. Being a gullible sort, you decide to buy some to counteract all the junk you have been pumping into your stomach. Of course since you don’t go to the doctor, brush your teeth, or even clean off the excess filth from your pasty, bloated body, this single act of healthy living is pretty much null and void.