HowTo:Date Someone Online

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If you're a desperate loser with no friends, online dating just might be for you! Follow these steps to make sure you date a hot chick.

Step 1: Start Looking[edit]

Find a cool chatroom, one with a name like #HotTeens or #Pedophilia.

Step 2: Make Yourself Look Desperate[edit]

Think up a cool username like dEzPritD00d, sk8r_girl, or dive right into sexual innuendo with a name like MidnightRambler or LadyCS. You want to attract the right people so you can find a hottie!

Step 3: Find Someone[edit]

Find someone you can date easily. The people with usernames like ChrisHansen14, p3d0guy, and IDidntKillHer are usually your best bet.

Step 4: Send Nudes[edit]

An example nudie sent to me by someone like you

Holy Steven Tyler you found a hot teen girl! Congratulations! Now send her some nudes. Don't worry that she's underage and you're scared of going to jail. Yes, I'm sure she's really a girl.

Step 5: Meet Up[edit]

Now you're ready to meet your sweetheart in person! Offer to meet her at her house, and promise you'll bring some condoms and Mike's Hard Lemonade if she'll shave her special place. When the time comes, swing by her place and wait in the kitchen eating brownies while she gets ready!

Step 6: Get Caught[edit]

OH CRAP. Your date was actually Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC! You better hide your face in your shirt and run!

Step 7: Get Tazed and Sent To Jail[edit]

Well, dude, it was nice knowing you. *cough**pedo**cough*

Step 8: Get Dumped[edit]

So, you still think Chris Hansen really is your lover - wait, dude, you actually still think Chris Hansen really is your lover?! That's sad. Anyway. Now, after escaping from jail, you stalk Chris for a few months, going through his trash, stealing his underwear, etc. Until finally, he yells at you telling you he is NOT your girlfriend, at which point you attack him with a tire iron.

BANG[edit]

You're dead, pedo. Apparently Chris Hansen owns a .45.