HowTo:Make a McDonald's Cheeseburger
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Making the Burger Patty[edit | edit source]
You will need 100% pure ground beef, butter, and a pan. Put the pan on your stove. Add butter to the pan. It's important to get the right amount of tenderness and crispiness for your patty, so I'd suggest adding more butter. *looks at your buttered pan* That still doesn't seem like enough butter. Add more butter. Add even more butter. Add blocks of butter. Add a pool's worth of butter. Put your ground beef on top. Squish it down. Wait for approximately 84,294 milliseconds. Take your beef-butter mixture out of the pan.
Constructing the Burger[edit | edit source]
Put the beef-butter thing on your burger buns. Add approximately 82 slices of cheese. Then, vigorously throw 69 pieces of lettuce at the burger. Next, throw 59 bowls of macaroni at the burger. Throw exactly 69,420 eggs at the burger. While you're at it, open up your fridge and pour everything you see on the burger. Put in condiments.
Condiments[edit | edit source]
Use exactly 4 bottles of ketchup and squeeze them directly at the burger. Do the same with the mustard and mayonnaise. Add pickles. Add more pickles. Add even more pickles. Add exactly 58 jars of pickles on the burger. Now, throw 94,302 Filet-O-Fishes at the burger. Congratulations! You've made the perfect McDonald's burger!
Finding Someone to Eat It[edit | edit source]
You really don't want to eat this delicacy of a burger – so why not find someone else, preferably someone special, to do it? If you live with someone, offer the burger to them. If they say no, vigorously throw the burger in their face. If they say yes, do the exact same thing. Try not to get arrested.