HowTo:Reach Immortality with a Cheezit

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GOOOOOOOOOOOOD Mythical Morning! In the past, I've told you (yes, YOU!) how to destroy the world, rob a bank, and make financial purchases with a Cheezit! You must be running out of Cheezits. I'll tell you how to be immortal so you can have all of the Cheezits you want!

Step 1

Get 5 Cheezits.

Step 2

Go outside and perform a ritual to the Cheezit god.

Step 3

Have the Cheezit god descend from the heavens. If it looks like a dog with a Cheezit box on its head, don't be underwhelmed. That's exactly what the Cheezit god is.

Step 3.5

Now this part is very important. Next, you need to touch the Cheezit box atop the Cheezit god's head. Then, and only then, will you be blessed with the gift of immortality and will outlive all humans, plants, animals, and literally everything else. Congratultions.