How Dare You
How Dare You[edit | edit source]
Did you honestly not think I'd notice? What were you thinking? You placed my slippers in the washing machine, and didn't think I'd find out?! Seriously. How dare you be so insolent. You fool. I'm going to get my revenge. This is absurd. Do you have any idea what kind of consequences could result from your idiotic actions? What if a Fnurdle had come by... you know how much they love slinking around in washing machines. One could have easily weasled its way in and nibbled on my slippers. Did you think about that? DID THAT EVEN CROSS YOUR MIND?! How dare you? I don't think I can keep this friendship up anymore if you continue with these charades. Wait, what are you doing with that nail polish....
Where do you get off?![edit | edit source]
Did you just dump my sister's nail polish on the sofa? What. Why? Where do you get off? can you just give me an explanation? I'm at a loss. this is really irresponsible of you. My sister has an important recital on thursday, and she was planning on painting her nails for it. And that's her favorite color. I hope you understand the damage you have done. And furthermore that couch is an heirloom. It's an antique, worth thousands... Priceless, at that. And everyone knows that nail polish of such shades is bound to attract the spirits of Carflesoffagus, the horrific demon that lives down the block. And if he shows up, we are all quite fonked. Please. just... put down my teddy bear. His name is Oliver and he is very special to me. He was given to me when I was an infant. NO! NO! NO! GIVE HIM BACK- AAHHHHHHHHH
To what end?![edit | edit source]
TO WHAT END!? Why did you just light my dearest Oliver on fire whilst chanting incantations that are clearly demonic? Was that just to piss me off, or are you a psychopathic satanist? You do understand that I have had that stuffed animal my whole life. He has been a better friend than you have been. At least he doesn't ruin all of my stuff and act like a total ASSHOLE. To what end? Not joking. To what end?! What is the end goal here? Can you just look me in the eye and give me a solid explanation for all of this bullshit? I'm beginning to question my taste in friends. Woah. Hold on. Where did you get those piranhas? Put those back where you found them. I insist-
Is this a joke?![edit | edit source]
THAT'S MY CAT. You love my cat! I love my cat! Everyone loves my cat. Why are you doin- Oh jesus the carnage. Look me in the eyes and tell me why you just threw sixteen carniverous fish at my pet cat. This isn't funny. It never was funny. I'm not laughing. My sister isn't laughing... and neither is my cat. Jesus, neither are you. Your facial expression hasn't changed this whole time. You've just kind of been staring blankly this whole time. Are you posessed? Are you okay? LOOK AT ME Is this a joke... Tell me this is all a joke. And please for the love of god, put down my mother.
Eat a dick[edit | edit source]
I'm dreaming... no way in hell did you just pick my mother up above your head and rip her in two. I honestly can't believe it. I refuse to believe it. Eat a dick. I thought we were friends but in reality you're just some kind of demon. All of my friendships end this way. This is absurd. You are killing everything I love. You realize that, right? Like... I'm not the only one who notices that my own mother's entrails are spilled all over the kitchen floor? Right? You see it too? Oh lord, help us. Should I be calling the cops right now?
Butter me up and call me Daphne[edit | edit source]
Maybe the cops aren't the right choice. Maybe I should be calling an exorcist. I see you've grown some horns there. Well... butter me up and call me Daphne. You're blowing fire, aren't you. See?! I told you! Look who showed up... an angry herd of Fnurdles. And yep. Called that too... here comes Carflesoffagus. It's just a demonic party in my commonspace isn't it? I didn't plan for this at all. Oh look my house is burning down. And oh... great. My flesh is searing off my skin. this is bullshit, dude. How dare you?