IllogiNews:Clicking "Burn Eyes" burns eyes

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

This is literally what happens!

TEH INTARWAPS -- Snazzy dressers and bored gavelmongers alike gathered in Tompkins Square today by attaching themselves to gigantic lizards with suction cups and scuttling into New York City. The issue this time? Mayor Schnorrple had fauz pased his way into another political quagmire by viewing Illogicopedia without the aid of mind-altering substances or a psychiatric support team. His fatal mistake? Clicking burn eyes.

An itch would probably have been forgivable. Who would have thought to take it literally? Illogicopedia bore the brunt of the brunt. Pretty cool word, that... brunt.

Unfortunately, the mayor and much of his staff were attending a furry black metal concert as the *click* borders of reality began to fray. Dismembered opossums emerged from sewer grates in Manhattan as street lights flickered and glowed an odd blue. Even Quakers considered allergy testing.

If you see recombinant DNA sequences on your phone or bathrooms, please call the Civil Defense Loitering Corps and inform them of any bars serving absinthe.