IllogiNews:Coronavirus the cure for bad eyesight

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Inasmuch as it may relieve those who have to cough up in order to handle the spreading malady, the coronavirus may be the cure for poor vision. While the mechanisms are somewhat mysterious, people who have had the virus report increased hindsight. Their vision extends into the past more clearly than can be explained by other means, according to researchers.

The latest speculation consists in the observation that the virus appeared in 2019, as its official name COVID-19 bears witness to, brought together with the well-known fact that hindsight is 2020. It is no coincidence, it is claimed, that the virus is spreading in the year of 2020.

The year of hindsight is turning into a year in which the past, while certainly nothing to sneeze at, is definitely something to cough at. Perhaps especially the recent past, which is known for its murky appearance.

Some early coughers have coughed their way through time far beyond 2019 and have managed to bring up an interesting message to humanity (also dogity), in the form of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, covered with the words "DON'T PANIC!" in big, friendly letters. Whether the guide contains clues as to the origin of the virus so far remains a mystery.