IllogiNews:Failing water company hits bottom line
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SOMEWHERE IN NEBRASKA - Failing water company BULGE 'N' BILGE announced hitting "the bottom line" last Tuesday evening, when the topic of linear equations came up. No one had quite expected it, although the Pakistan floods had knocked out quite a bit of speculation.
Owner and janitor Bobby Schumacker said something about the statement, but reporters left their earplugs in by accident and had to make up half of the quote. "I really wished I could have [made some pancakes mmmm pancakes are delicious] but funding ran [a marathon over the weekend and appeared] out [of breath. So we gave it a rest,] and announced bottom line." This statement makes no sense, as resting funding would increase unmeasurable profit, as defined by college professor Timothy Cow: "Moooo."
This situation resulted in numerous riots and broken glass vases. The bubonic plague also broke out in select areas of the middle east, killing evil Muslim Arabs. "Serves them right," says pastor Terry Jones.
The bottom line, according to sources, was a red dotted line on the bottom of the page marked "contract". This line has been since protected by the secret service in attempts to prevent assassination from disappointed water bottle packers. The line was not available for interview.