IllogiNews:Horoscopes for February, 2011

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Here are your horoscopes for this fine month.

• Aries - The giant cake on the reft will suck your insides out and will even give you a nickel!
• Taurus - Your brain will explode from all that there Geometry homework piling up on your banana desk.

^ Oh no... Sincerely, islandmonkey - go speak 19:40, 22 Farbleum 2011 (UTC)

• Gemini - The position of Pluto says you will live on Obama Money. Too bad.
• Cancer - Shamon! Hee hee!
• Leo - Your diet will fail due to the fact that you suck.
• Virgo - Please avoid Leos and Pisces because you have a contagious brain disease.
• Libra - Conservapedia will dominate in your house. Seriously.
• Scorpio - TAX EXEMPTION!
• Sagittarius - The position of the North Star says you should spend the rest of your miserable life playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.
• Capricorn - You will testify! HE HAW!
• Aquarius - Your significant other will end up using your intestines to clean their teeth. Wear a toilet over your head.
• Pisces - That elf down the road will give you a hernia. Please proceed with cream cheeze.
• Ophiuchus-You are new to this damn list and are bugging me! Go die in a ditch!