IllogiNews:Infestation of Motel Trolls imminent

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

In case of nuclear holocaust, remain under sofa number 2.

According to the USDA, an infestation of motel trolls at the sites of major upcoming Republican events is unavoidable. "We might as well just hunker down and wait for it to pass", said Beef Spokesperson Mal Contents. "It is unfortunate that motel trolls are attracted to first-rate bungholes and other undesirables, but more's the pity that they are invincible to conventional weapons."

ICBM silos across the US are on alert, in the event that they overrun targeted locations, and make their way to David Bowie concerts. These cities will be eradicated in the event of such an event, and posters and mass mailings are covering all of these areas, warning civilians in plenty of time to start taking iodine pills and chamomile tea.