IllogiNews:Lather, rinse, repeat

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Gollum-Jesus has great happiness. He just got a contract with Axe products.

A CAVE, Somewhere -- Freshly resurrected action star Gollum-Jesus has signed on to help Axe market it's new SSDS (Scrotal Sanitation Delivery System), called "the detailer".

Marketing consultant Mark Hammond-Organ told IllogiNews, "That face is pure foot gold! Have you ever seen such an ugly mug! Jesus! No offense, but Jesus! That face will make a ballsack look positively brilliant."

Unilever, manufacturer and overlord of the Axe Men's Shower Tool is using state-of-the-art reverse psychology in it's advertising campaign.

The current wave of television commercials featuring the ball cleaning aid features "gorgeous" women with skimpy outfits, touting the benefits of a well and properly scrubbed scrotum to a faux audience of wildebeests and xweetoks.

New ads will portray Gollum-Jesus dressed in smart Land's End outfits, getting mammograms, buying steroids, eating cheeses and cavorting on a catwalk while vigorously washing his balls.

Apple is expected to jump on the bandwagon with iClean Balls.

Axe Shower Limited Edition Pack Music Shower Gel, Music Small Shower Gel, Phoenix Shower Gel, and Axe Detailer Shower Tool available any place one might conceivably find genitalia-related cleaning products.