IllogiNews:Quantum mechanics explains ghosts, say flightworthy experts

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

A breakfast of bran cereal, squid and Pepsi is suggested by the math. We're just saying, it's a scary looking woman.

WREAKUSURPIS, Nova Scotia -- At $1200 US apiece, tickets for the spangled Hilbert Space production of "Dance of the Fluoridated Water Supply" are scarce and worth murdering a coworker, if necessary. Proof of super-symmetry notwithstanding, several burly fellows wearing dark leather trench coats were spotted transporting themselves into an incompatible meat-space by reliable sources in the capitol. Rotation is probably the most remarkable thing worth discussing between bites of sausage, sopping up the yolk with zero-spin muffins.

Nobody else believes this yet, and you shouldn't either. Grim receptionists transposed the music of Paul Dirac into mental compartmentalized sacks, each emblazoned with the logo of knowledge. "What's so quantum about that?", one may well ask, and one well may well be answered by a run-on sentence which was discovered experimentally during an outage of fried dough and cotton candy at that carnival they had across the street for four noisy, miserable days.

Belief in this theory may be explained at a quantum level as a result of Quantum Stupidity.

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Little tiny quantum jitters in the early universe that have left their subtle noise in the form of cosmic microwave background radiation.