IllogiZoo:Kitchen Zebras

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Kitchen Zebra
Zebra lionfish.jpg
British people say "zebra" funny, with a short e.
Conservation Status
  Least Concern  
Kingdom Evil
Phylum Vertebrata
Class Not A Fish
Order No, definitely not a fish
Family Smooth
Genus Propecia
Species C. Zebraphone
Width 0.9m (avg)
Length 1.7m (avg)
Binomial Name
Cuisine Zebraphone
(Gruntlesmithy, 2011)

Kitchen Zebras are household pests found in many suburban homes. They are full-sized African zebras, but instead of living in African plains, they squeeze themselves in to cupboards, shelves, and holes in walls.

"I was so upset when I discovered that I had a zebra infestation!" says one homeowner, "I kept hearing this scratching coming from inside the wall, so I opened the wall up expecting to find a mouse or something. Instead, a fully grown zebra tumbled out of the wall. I chased him out of the room with a flyswatter. The next day I found a nest of the bastards in the attic."

Kitchen zebras can be eradicated with twelve-foot mouse traps. Turning lions loose in your home also works. How is pregnant?