IllogiZoo:Testostomonster

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Testostomonster
Dunkin.png
Conservation Status
  Least Concern  
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Vertebrata
Class Reptile
Order Monster
Family Aliens
Genus Lizard men
Species P. Testostomonster
Width 0.80m (avg)
Length 2.30m (avg)
Binomial Name
Polyglot Testostomonster
(R. Dialect, 2011)

I would add a picture, but you don't want to see it. Trust me. This thing sweats out of it's eyes, mouth, eye beams, and even it's Gilligan. Trust me, this thing is an awful beast that'll soak your sword in PlyMouth InstaRust. Don't try to fight him (He's Level X). The only one who could do so is (arguably) the Big Man, so don't even try it. If Big is your neighbour, though, then ask him to woop this bad mofo. His other weakness is having an itchy foot, though, so you might want to rub some Soylent Green on him, if you can get close enough without being offed by his eye beams.

The Biology of the Testostomonster[edit]

The Testostomonster is indeed a ferocious beast. Sliding down it's throat, one can find several nondescript chambers shaped strangely like a dungeon with some kind of water his body is passing off for stomach acid. You can also probably find many survivors of the Great Testostofeed down there, and you'll probably be able to escape through the nondescript chambers, which strangely are full of treasure and rather nondescript monsters, such as penguins. Praying to your god might help, too, he could toss a fiery mountain on this thing. But I doubt it'd work, the sweat would probably turn the mountain to fine watery dust within seconds.

The Habitat of the Testostomonster[edit]

The Testostomonster lives in big, wide oceans, like the Subbujapanese Ocean. It eats islands for breakfasts, ports for lunch, and a hearty continent salad sandwich for dinner.