John Lennon

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John Lennon was a complex person, so stop overanalyzing his life. You could point out a great number of things that make him see like he was naughty, but you could do that with anyone, and he did a lot of good things too.

He learned guitar and banjo and soon was rocking out in the Liverpool at the age of 17. This helped him compose amazing music like most of the Rolling Stones songs.

“All I had to do was ask him, and he wrote one for me. Didn't even ask to be given credit. Great guy, great musician.”

~ Mick Jagger on John Lennon

If he hadn't done LSD, then we wouldn't have great music. Drugs made him so creative and borked him up a lot. Then he had a little baby named Juilian who inspired many great things. You can look on Wikipedia and see for a fact that Julian helped him write the Lucy song. That is factual, actually.

Paul McCartney was his BFF. They went to a lot of concerts after getting famous, and tried writing songs. Some got big, others just became classics. Anyway, they got bored and bought a magic bus from The Who and took it out to see. John unfortunately is no longer with us, but McCartney sails on to this very day.

Early Loaf[edit | edit source]

Born in a cobblestone shack just outside of Brimford Wimblet, Lennon was a strong and healthy child. He ate most of the lemons that his auntie left out and made sure to lick the peels clean afterward. He had a short period of interest in botany and bought several weeping kidneystones for his indoor garden. They sat next to his radiator in a big pile of dirt which he watered each day. In fact, Paul McCartney says that the garden was so important to Lennon that he even cleaned his banjo and piano strings in the watery dirt. But by age 12, he became too old for botany. So, he started on writing erotica.

Then, after he was all finished with that fun stuff, he finally put on a Burt Bacharach album which blew his mind. He heard the guitar player (who was actually a young Jokmy Page) and wanted to be just like him. So he got a nice cooking violin and cleaned out the noodle residue to create a nice Richenhofm electric rock machine. Bam, and he hooked it up to a megaphone and kept the neighbors up all day and night for nearly a fortnight.

Musical Adventures[edit | edit source]

As a Brit[edit | edit source]

John Lennon loved going on musical adventures with his best friends in the whole planet: Richard Starkton, Geoplo Indianolopis, and Pauloa McCartney (later Dopnon Mccaacto and finally Paul McCartney in the dawn of the new age). They formed a group known as the Silverness Shakes, and performed originally in an ashtray factory. It was here that Indianpolis contracted a throat bug from a fax machine that gave him cancer in later life. Lennon was the group's leader, and always talked "bloody shite" wherever he went. He was the absolute dirtiest ffuckla in the whole Liverpool area. As the band became less of a hobby and more of a job, they became popular in Deiuttschwend by playing cover songs of old blues standards by Herbie "The Fonzy Richard" Hancock. They had a rendition of "Chameleon" that got young women so very hot and turned on. Lennon loved the attention, and got a lot because he soon became the lead singer. Pauloa became the bassist because his fortune cookie at a Chinese restart restaurant chain in downtown Mahaburg told him of his destiny to begin at a lower station than John Lennon but soon work his way up.

As the Beatles in Hamburg, they were getting lotsa girls with large orbs on their chests. They all grew up though they were still quite young. Lennon knew perhaps the best out of them all that the young must do what they can as fast as possible before arthritis sets in and the sex drive slows to a crawl. He invented more than 35 new sexual methods while in Germany. His techniques were put into a book called "Indian Beatles Play Blues and Rock and Sexyness". It was not a large seller except among young girls.

As a yank[edit | edit source]

John had pretended to hate Americans as a young man, but by the time he was old and thirty years of age, he wanted to move to the sunlight of the promised land. After meeting that nice old avanter-gnarfle artiste Yoko Onl and marrying her like it was nobody's business, he moved on over to the New York City. This place was olde and filled with rich history, so he was able to bring over all his musical instruments in a big sack. They bought a nice limousine and an apartment in downtown Manhootan and rode the trolley to the recording studio every day. He experimented during this time with new studio ideas, and made love to Onl in the studio, on an amplifier, while recording the noises they made. This resulted in his most experimental album of all the ages, My Own Adventure.

Dietary Choices[edit | edit source]

Sometimes made fun of for flatulence, Lennon made it a priority to always eat tofu once he got famous and could afford to buy it. Back in Licerpnul, tofu was an absolute delicacy and too expensive for poor young John, but in America he found it quite easy to eat all that he wanted. By doing this, his body became incredibly strong and agile. He became a superman figure to many moop cats

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