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Illuminati propaganda.

Not to be confused with Jews, unless you actually believe that they're deliberately making you believe that. In that case, go drink some Jews.

Juice is the name given by a group of estranged and likikikeefgi-worshipping Kolanpemeqs to a monolithic beanbag filled to the brim with sacrilegiously grilled and de-solidified avocados, which, upon slamming your head against for nine minutes as a coping mechanism for realizing that it was not gofehid butter that you slathered all over yourself as act of resistance to killing off the last of the Zebralinskis that inhabited a portion of your astral-plane universe, will spontaneously turn into a living reincarnation of the mythical Fiquensifeeg and proceed to devour every Xliuonq'heej penguin it would see on sight. However, if the Juice is deliberately provoked by an individual on the second vlei of the fourth w'saa of the X'dege, then the Juice will take on a liquid form and flood the region it inhabits. Such was the fate of the lililikeefgi-worshipping Kolanpemeq fringe group that inhabited a portion of the Draduz Badlands. Since the incident, the Juice is currently kept in captivity for all to see at V'vaotoo's system-famous zoo of gargantuan creatures.


According to the elders of the offshoot clan of Kolanpemeqs, the Juice was first encountered by a small group of jyok when they set out to gather teyrezkus, which are known to be in abundance in the badlands. They claimed to hear a strange noise reminiscent of a quetzal trying to impersonate an alpaca while high on helium. Immediately, the jyok drew their spears and obsidian swords, preparing to encounter one of the many unknown predators that are known to inhabit the badlands. Suddenly, one of the jye felt a burning sensation within its chest, and out of its mouth came forth the Juice, which was originally a strange foamy substance that wrapped itself around the jye until it would be consumed by it. The Juice then grew to its enormous size rapidly, and it remained stationary. It would only move after the accidental provocation.

Mysterious qualities[edit]

  1. Oftentimes, the Juice will shout out lyrics from an 80s electronic song from Earth.
  2. It will glow whenever someone accidentally yells "Zim!" or a cognate equivalent in any part of space, no matter how far.
  3. Tickling it will result in losing your sense of touch.
  4. Licking it will result in becoming addicted to ze'appij.
  5. As a result of the spontaneous addiction, it is speculated that the outer shell of the Juice is composed entirely of ze'appij.
  6. If someone utters the words "I'm not impressed" or a cognate equivalent within a half-kilometer radius of the Juice, that person will burst into purple flames.
  7. Sjinks tend to emulate fnurdles when they encounter the Juice.
  8. Supposedly, a Mayan official "killed" the Juice, but it simply retook its form.