Large yak

ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS

It has come to our attention that there is a big, fat yak on the loose. Please remain calm. Safety precautions are in effect. Repeat: please remain calm. Safety precautions are in effect.

The large yak is a tremendous herbivore, or more specifically, a long-haired and incredibly scraggly-looking bovine, the meat of which tastes strangely more like dog meat than like cattle meat. Or steer, usually, if one wants to get precise. They are somewhat domesticated, largely smelly, and entirely huge. And rather dangerous... looking.

But that's not the point.

There is a yak on the loose

The populace are urged to remain calm, and to remain indoors. At no point should anyone consider approaching the large yak, or even anything that resembles said yak, looks hairy enough to be said yak, could be related to the large yak, or is most probably your hippy neighbour, but you can never be too sure. Under no circumstances should the yak be approached, and nor should attempts be made to file its toenails. Contrary to popular belief, toenail filing does not placate large yaks, only rhinoceros.

The yak escaped early Tuesday morning when an unidentified individual broke into the unidentified complex on East Hill and Broadway, and from there has already rampaged a slow, ambivalent amble all the way to West Hill.

But that's not the point.

It's on the loose.