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Lemons are imaginary.

Hey, guess what?! I found a lemon on the road, and he was my bestest friend EVER!!! He was sooooo cool and went on fun filled adventures filled with fun. He was my bestest friend and the bestest friend I had. Oh, yeah, he spoke redundantly by saying the samethings over and over.

Lemon and the Pie[edit | edit source]

He almost drowned! WAA!

One day, my friend lemon was bought by some crotchety old lady (yechy mommy!), and she was going to put him in a pie and eat him!!! How mean! Anyway, since my friend Lemon is the Smartest, he outsmarted the old hag. SO what he did was sneak up on the lady's dog and turned it into a donkey! That made that lady go loco and had to be shipped into an insane asylum! YAY!!!

Lemon and the Pool[edit | edit source]

One day, my friend lemon was in the mood for a nice swim so he could work on his backstroke and breststroke. So he went to the community pool, but people were there already. So then they saw a lemon and chopped him up! So then they laughed and threw him into the water to drown but he floated and got out without them noticing. They are so meany-pants! But Lemon is so awesome that he got revenge by strangling their cats with a water hose and leaving them under their matresses for them to find later! That is what they get for messing with lemon!!!! Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon. Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon. Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon. Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon!!!! Everything!!!!! Everything!!!!!!!!! Everything!!!!!!!! In its right place.....

Lemon and Beer[edit | edit source]

Sometimes my friend lemon is a really naughty boy! We sometimes do it at night when he gets drunk. He likes beer and gets in trouble sometimes.

One time he was getting some beer and decided to drive home. Uh-oh-spaghettios! So he was swerving into every car in sight and was arrested but I bailed him and paid the forteen billion dollars in damges he caused when driving. Oh well! As long as I have my lemon back. Now I only let him have beer two times a month.

He is the coolest!

Lemon and the Internet and the Netherlands and Illogicopedia[edit | edit source]

SO one day lemon was cruising around on the internet, right? And then he stumbles on some weird webiste kinda like wikipedia except for stupid assholes, but it is soo funny! He wanted to be a celeb so what he did was enter his name into a raffle for the logo and he won!!! How cool is that? So now in The Netherlands he is the logo for Illoicopedia and is so awesome! Now he is the national icon of the world!!!!

Lemon and the Mummies[edit | edit source]

Lemon won the lottery and got some money one day and did n ot know what to do with it. SO he decided to go to Egypt! How fun! He wanted to go into the pryamids and find some mummies! But he made sure to pack his rocket laucher and AK-47 just in case.

So we went off to Egypt and found the Pyramids because they are hard to miss. We went inside and found a tomb and voilà! Mummy! But Lemon read a magical spell so the mummy came to life! It was scary! But Lemon is so cool that he shot the thing to pieces and no one has ever seen it since. That is because he shot the pyramid with his rocket launcher and the thing exploded! Yeah! Lemon is Awesome!

Lemon is so cool![edit | edit source]

Now you know the lemon is the most cool and the most awesomee Lemon on the face of the Earth. That is so cool. And by the way, Lemon is watching you wherever you go! He will kill you if you eat lemons!

LemonAid[edit | edit source]

Mr. Citrus Lemon was brought into the emergency department with a severe case of sourness. He had lost a lot of pulp but Doctors did everything they could to save him.

Nurse: "Doctor quick, he's marmaladeing!"
Doctor: "We’re losing him, get me 20cc citric acid, stat!

Lemons Speech[edit | edit source]

Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON lemons! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?