To acquire maple syrup, you need to access bank account #5550r1929-555-A at your local branch, or go to PayPal. This will transfer €499.98, or the equivalent of your currency to a Nigerian Prince. You should receive your maple syrup within 5 business days. If not, send another payment.
Maple syrup cannot be consumed in its solid or gas form, or it could cause molecular decohesion (that's bad). When consumed in liquid form, it should only be consumed with a bread-like substance, any other substances turn maple syrup into a poison.
There are many reasons to take maple syrup:
- It cures you from Canada-sickness by making you remember all the good things about Canada.
- Breakfast suddenly get 1337% better due to liquid addition.
- Many intestinal cancers, such as Alzeihmer's Pancreas Affliction, can be cured with only maple syrup and chemotherapy. (Results may vary. Please ask your doctor if Maple syrup is right for you.)
That being said, there are many reasons to not take maple syrup:
- Increased sugar diet, linked to Diabeetus, sugar highs, and vivid hallucinations.
- Those mashed potatoes get ruined. (Seriously? Syrup with dinner?)
- Many intestinal cancers, such as Down's Appendix Discontinuity, are directly linked with higher ingestion of maple syrup.
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