The correct speeling of mastadon. A bulky, smelly animal known for its ability to crush a Volvo, the mastodon was first named by Sir Reginald Noneworthy of Abbington during a fever dream. Calling out to his wife, and clearly hallucinating, he said, "oh thou great and shuffling beast, acover with great mats of fur and offal". He was responsible for starting a ruckus in Parliament over tariffs on specialty clothing for Polish Muslim dancers.
It is also very big.
They are very useless because they cannot be the furry savior of the world because they are not big enough to take on Godzilla and save the world from Donald Trump. Therefore, Mastodons are guileless and juiceless. Just like your mother's life insurance policies.