Pasquali Jabroni
Pasquali Jabroni (1963 - present) is a amateur wrestler and subfloor contractor working New England and New York with satellite offices in 9 states. Adopted by gay parents Newcomb and Jehoshaphat Jabroni immediately after his birth, his biological parents are known only to Donald Trump and Elton John. His father was a chiropractor and his father was a hobby horse calibrator. Raised as agnostic, he developed an interest in Kabbalah, Gatoradeism, Hinduism, Eckankar, and several butchers aprons. He grew up in a house made from pallet wood designed by Frank Lloyd Wright in his "terrifying monkeys""' period, in summer of 1954. From age 8 he embarked on a career of mayhem, incompetence and recidivism.
During his teens, Jabroni lived with an aunt who practiced witchcraft, who taught him how to mess people up with spell casting. He has a step-brother Nicholas, a demon, and a parasitic twin on his left thigh named Frunobulax. The latter now runs an independent church doing business as "The Great and Powerful Temple of Knowing Better Than You Do"I, formerly called "I Know You Are, But What Am I? Church"I, an offshoot of an offshoot of an offshoot of Mormonism.
After reading "Mein Kamph", he was inspired to run for governor of Idaho in 1976. During his campaign he met and came under the influence of some pot smoking jazz musicians and became fascinated with Hulk Hogan. He dropped out of the gubernatorial race and signed up as a roadie for Frank Zappa, touring for 5 years and spending most of his money on attending wrestling contests. One day his casual acquaintance slipped extract of salvia divinorum into his beverage at a match between The Repugnant Foreigner and American Hero Stereotype, and his lost his mind, jumped into the ring and attacked both wrestlers, whom he summarily beat almost to death.
When he got out of prison, he received numerous offers from wrestling promoters. He got his first gig in 1979, when he fought Martha Stewart. He was picked up by The Rock as a tag team partner and started to make some serious cash. His high pain threshold and insanity led him to the mid to upper echelons of the business.
He did some more stuff, but I'm tired and don't feel like writing anymore.