Quotes of Excellence

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“Maybe if I apply a little miracle-gro to my penis I won't need to be so angry.”

~ Barry Scott on domestic gardening techniques

“Won't you join my sleighslaying tonight?”

~ Santa asking Rudolph to join him in his annual beer-fueled rampage

“If I was already dead but was then killed again, doesn't that logically mean I'm now alive?”

~ Zombie on undermining the film industry

“ROTFDEAD!”

~ Weird Al after seeing your internet history

“Hang on, this isn't my school bag? Mum! Whose parachute is this?”

~ Little Girl on plane

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

~ George Bush not on plane

“Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
Nope. It's dead.”

~ Superman's Stalker's account of Dubya's inevitably hilarious death