Barry Scott

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In his spare time Barry enjoys half-cleaning coins.

“Bong! And the Dirty Scone”

~ Barry Scott on the title for his forthcoming novel about the dangers of drug use and household cleaning products

Wolfman from Gladiators raised and with an ominous stain on the crutch of his trousers that not even Cillit Bang can remove (he swears it's evaporated milk but Wii'r not so sure), Barry Scott is the renal artery of the only good ITV program between the years of last and now.

Reviewètion

Barry Scott was reviewèd by Jello! Magazine as "Most Likely to Shout at People Until Their Lungs Give In to The Air Pressure and They Are Forced to Buy [Insert Product Name Here]" in 1666 before they were burnt down by Freddie Mercury on behalf of Veg&2Sausage to remove the competition.

Lockjaw

After the door suffered a severe case of lockjaw, the Barry Scott type people were trapped in their spacious broom cupboard with only each other's abstract T-shirts to keep them company. He then took it upon himself to force feed them washing powder and wallpaper paste because he thought they would vomit cleanliness and wallpaper his broom cupboard.

It really did need wallpapering at the time! All that came out was a porridge-textured vapour which congealed and produced the fine smell of pickled beggars.

Becoming a horse

In 1963, after becoming a corporate sellout and was a washed-up celebrity, he briefly became a common horse and was despised by all those damn snooty higher breeds.

Later that day he decided to do something, resulting in a flood of biblical rhinos. This is known as "The Great End of Starvation of 2014". Many people dined on beach flavoured poison that night and were subsequently as "lean as a bean" (beans at the time being obese and killing all size zero mannequins) along with every other person on Nationalist Propaganda. Not Mars. Not Axarglfrif-MCV, his previous home. His parents died there, and he will never forgive the evil Uber Manatees for licking them in that fashion.

Quick facts

• In his spare time Barry enjoys half-cleaning coins and lining them up perfectly and neatly in front of mirrors to make it look like he is even richer than he already is.
• He also likes to turn into his cartoon alter ego and wander around imagination land, where the dirt is never gone.

See also

• Cillit Bang