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hysterically useless!

“You're gonna need a trachea for that.”

~ Invertebrates

And it's as if such an act induces insane perspiration whose inflicted damage would be beyond reparation. Hasten your preparation!


Respiration brings you ever closer to the elephant's foot on a Wednesday in Malibu, but regardless of whether or not you associate with blue jackasses in pink, we need to know just how much phosphorous I can take in during Lent. Oughta make me a bit more bent by the time the next lunar eclipse makes the necrophagist crawl out of his birch tree in a scathing acid rage. I'll have some fried prawns for him in the meantime, but I don't think he'll appreciate a side of sludge. Perhaps a drone would do.


Compulsory suffocation does not call for purging your digestive tract.

Normally I'd smack my head against Halle Berry's doorbell until she sics her disturbingly huge dogs on me, but perhaps a better alternative would be to faceplant on top of a bed of nails at some random county fair in New Mexico and scream the North Korean anthem at the top of my lungs in all of my NAILS-IN-MY-FREAKING-EYES agony. The womb was never meant for me in the first place... isn't that just hysterical?

yeah, it's hysterically useless!

Irregardless of whatever "partisan hacks" are (I mean, they can hack my Parmesan cheese all they want) and why stupid people love to throw that term around whenever they disagree with another person's political beliefs, it seems that Pepperdine University has to veal up (not beef up) its security services in preparation for the coming arrival of the Taser Lamentation Gang-Gang... I fink. Elsewhere, in the farthest reaches of a hierophant's left eye socket (it can charge your smartphone), it seems that the burden of lowering a child (I lack the strength to raise it in the first place) has been bestowed upon me for the meager price of seven quintillion Zimbabwean dollars. Gotta love Keynesian economics!

zimbabwean dollars!? that's hysterical! they're useless!

In terms of how one can respire, I think it'd be best if you simply cast yourself into a pitifully small funeral pyre. There's no chance you'll let any amniotic fluid into your alveoli without the prior ordainment of Canada's prime minister and a few shark teeth lodged into your forehead. Just try to think about the fact that for every hour in Africa, 60 minutes pass by (alongside caravans of those goons over at Boko Haram on their idiotic campaign for ISIS). And no matter how random a pretentious or obscure quote may be, keep in mind that your IQ will never pass the 90 mark once you enter the White House under the leadership of a goddamn horseradish.

the media's reaction to all that is hysterically useless!