Donald Trump

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Donald Trumpet

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Donald Trump has an old-school analog controller that unfortunately cannot be switched off.

Donald Trump is a gangsta blowhard of the old school, with an intense interest in neither facts nor dignity. He is a troll made of money, with a head covering better suited to a bass. And I'm not talking freshly caught, either. I'm talking fresher than a neutron star river made out of Mountain Dew electrokongs paving their way though the way is tough and unforgiving to a Pmurt susser.

Uses for Donald Trump[edit]

  1. Pussy-Grabbing pussies.
  2. Chewing on Alabama's sauceplantpots
  3. Sucking the Globo-Homo-Super-Mega-Penii of the Sharks
  4. Building free love hotels in different countries
  5. Spreading hatebeams all over Tuvalu so that he can blackmail his 69th dimensional cousin's brother's mom's aunt's great grandfather's corpus pridus into commiting SLUSPUNKETT.
  6. Raping Klansmen and Nazis and shoving them into a sensitive spot.
  7. Calling CNN the birthplace of Libtardiah.
  8. A Hollandaise sauce laced with live lobsters poured over Donald Trump makes for an excellent way to apologize for not having enough kawaii shekelgods to pay up with for your mom's incest rape funny memes.
  9. Throbbing Trumpgrist is excellent for drying out electronics when rice is unavailable.
  10. Donald Trump can be served with soft serve Momboobs.
  11. Plastic surgery to look like Donald Trump is an excellent way to prove that you love God and wanna be a great day.
  12. Serving as an example of Your Mom's influence in terms of Jenga memes.
  13. Donald Trump blended with a freshly caught human can lead to antimatter anyeurisms and can cause a brotha so much bliss you'd almost wanna kill yo' self, but you can't because you have a life to lead. (It should be noted that many forms of interaction with Donald Trump will result in you being VIOLENTLY ERASED FROM EXISTENCE.)
  14. Vegan-shilled beef sloganoffes may be printed on Donald Trumps covfefe.

Story[edit]

Too much.

Claiming to be 50 pounds of flourbelts when it turns out he was a Dick Van Duke clone from the year -42000, Dick Van Trump furiously cut up his name and reassembled it to resemble a collage rocket skateboard.

He soon whirled away to battle libtards and throw their skulls through a bottle of exploding absinthe kittens.

Trump soon found that his old name was the epitome of lameness, so he jumped in the volcano beuraucracy to become DONALD JOESTAR TRUMP. And then he threw a Hillbilly headfirst into the Iraq war so that he could concentrate on staredowning an obnoxiously huge rubber duck. (made out of bubblescotch fractaltowerguns.)

Success story[edit]

“Im NUMBAH WAN, I'm NAIN WAN WAN, I am WAN because my name is JUAN.”

~ Donald Trump on his military strategy, when asked how he arrived at it

Never in the history of Western Civilization has something so epic and astoundingly doped up on drugs that a MAN named Donny Traympe has committed two weeaboos to the jail cells of Hybeeriah. I'd contact Merzbola for an sexual autopsy by having an infected tow truck ram mah butt and come out though my nose for attention.

Trump won 5000 dollars which he immediately used to build big-buxley boobtube empires in South America. He then gave birth to SARS-COV-2, and they both went on a wacky fun times ride to nuke New York City and the United Nations.

Rape and Physical Death[edit]

Donald Drumpf died in 2004 when he was raped super hard, like Goku. Little did anyone know that his death was caused by Butch McSpanky, who slithered it inside of him so fast and so hard that he died on impact.

His pet (his hair) was cremated and its ashes spread on his grave.

then just like jesus he came back to life 3 days later and got rapped to dethf again by jimmy nutron. legend saiys if you make gfuel out of his ashes you will fucking die

Resurrection[edit]

In 2006, he was resurrected by a group of vegetable hip-hop ninjas in a infernal cabbage patch somewhere Joe Tractorman's house. Their purpose was to make him become the scarecrow God of the New Worlde Worldwide deadly manliness man-Machines, since Jeremy Renner the velociraptor was not awesome enough. His ashes merged together creating Trump 10000 Oh hi Mark IXII Helluva Banhammertimesky Sharkwarrior, and escaped into the world of hellitics again, with his Bootleg Newfoundland Glorious Heavenly Freedom-Mullet and declared that he will destroy all dumb people in the universe, and then he did just that.

There currently exists a religious church dedicated to Donald Trump's resurrection in Paris, Ohio called "The Church of Saintly Capitalistic Endeavors Eden Costco" They believe in the second resurrection of Donald Trump and when he comes he will bring the world to come, trolling anyone with large baggy jeans and type 2 diabeetus. Members of the church have to sell tree fiddy to Trump first. The process to do this is very intricate, the first step being "watch every episode of Jersey Shore five times." The rest of the steps include beating up your neighbors and steamrolling you dad, not to mention supreme-extreme doombliterating the creator of this article. The people who made The Church of Saintly Capitalistic Endeavors Eden Costco are also trying to found a church to nuke Israeli gamer penguins. Donate tools, anyone who makes a donation over $1 gets $∞.

Death of Mexico[edit]

He did it. And then he made Mexico pay for how he made Apple make all the computers in the US like George Dubya wanted. And then you just realised you can't start a sentence with And.

You just did!.
""I just did!!"".

Impeachment[edit]

But it was also a conspiracy of this guy

It doesn't make a bit of difference. The Senate is inert.

(That means it doesn't work.)

DAME DA NE[edit]


2016 US Election
An Illogicopedian guide to a very something-cratic election. Hide the kids!
Hilly the First Female (Democracy or what?) Bigger than life, like Texas (It's a republic obviously)
For a better nickname... (Republicant (with the ant on the end) Three generations and counting (Like Fox News) IRISH-ish (I'm pretty democrazy) Money does the job (Rep yet again) Not related to KFC (On the far bluish end) John Ithinki'mgonnabesick (The GOP will gladly clean my mess) Green-skinned Frankenstein (It might be the cannabis...)
Result: Let's all move to Canada!
See who's in and who's out
Final Candidates
It's Hillary-ous how negligent yet over-qualified she is to do this!
Rigging and bribing my way to the top is the ultimate political Trump card!
The Presidents of the United States of America (not the band)
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Abraham LincolnBarack ObamaBill ClintonBlah ClintonFranklin D. RooseveltGeorge BushGeorge Dubya BushGeorge W BushGeorge W. BushGeorge WashingmachineGeorge WashingtonJohn F. KennedyMillard FeelmoreObama Bin LadenRichard NixonRonald ReaganDonald Trump * Thomas Jefferson

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