The Darkness

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EPIC

This article is one of Illogicopedia's EPICs.

"The Darkness is contagious. It is a disease that spreads many people. Those who touch it, dare i say it, go over to the dark side. Their body turns into mist, into shadow, until it fades away....in the darkness."

Tom turned the tv off with the click of a button.

"That show officially sucks!", he shouted out. His mom ran down the stairs. "WHAT SUCKS??" she replied. "THAT SHOW!!!!"

"WHAT SHOW??"

"THAT SHOW!!!!"

"Son, you should get a rest. The doctor said you have high blood pressure."

"Fine". Tom walked up to his dark room and half of it was enveloped in DARKNESS. Scary music played out of nowhere, as his dad watched a horror movie in the room next door.

"SHUT UP DAD!" he shouted, before taking a frying pan and throwing at his dad's face. He switched the lights on, but they didn't seem to work. The wind brought the door shut, and the doorknob coincidentally broke at the same time.

He was locked in.

The wind howled at him like a wolf. He shuddered and took a torchlight from his pocket. He always kept one. The batteries ran out.

"Damn it!" he shouted. There was a CLANG! all of a sudden. His heart skipped a beat. His blood pressure rose. He died.

Well, actually he didn't, but if you were to have actually witnessed it, it would've looked a lot like he had died. But that's not the point. The point is that he had a fever.

...OK, HE WAS DYING.

"GAAAAAH!!!!" he shouted. He had to escape before.... "body turns into mist, into shadow, until it fades away....in the darkness."

No, he thought. THAT'S A LIE. IT'S JUST A TV SHOW. I WATCHED IT ON DISCOVERY CHANNEL HENCE IT HAD TO LIE, RIGHT?

Darkness SEEMED to creep in.

He jumped out of the window, breaking a leg, and crushing his dog underneath. Blood spilled.

"THE RED DARKNESS! IT'S CONSUMING FLUFFY!!!!! NOO!!!! NOT FLUFFY!!!! I MUST FIGHT THE DARKNESS!!!!"

His body temperature rose. He had to fight the fever....and the darkness. He reached for a garden rake and swung it through the air. His mom looked outside.

"Eeeeeh? Tom's outside again!"

His dad replied.

"Ohhh, no worries. He's always doing that. It's like his daily exercise or something"

"You sure? He seems to be cutting himself!"

"Ohhh, nonsense. The only thing he cuts is me!"

"Oh, OK then."

Tom accidentally cut his arm, and it started bleeding.

"NOOO! THE DARKNESS! IT IS CONSUMING ME!!!! WHERE BE MY PANADOL?????"

Panadol? he thought. I must watch too many commercials.

Then he died.

......and this time he actually did die.

His mum looked out of the window.

"He's lying on the grass, and there's blood all around him!"

His dad replied.

"OH, don't worry. You're looking at the dog."

"NO, the dog's dead too."

"Then you're looking at the cat!"

"W....we don't have a cat!"

"Well, then it must be the boy."

"I think Tom died."

"Oh, really? Good."

"How can you say that?"

"Because.....I am the darkness."

"*gasps*!"

"Just kidding. Let me take a look out of the window to check...ahh i see him, he looks all ...WHOA!!!!!!! *slips out of window*"

"HEY, DEAR! NOW THERE'S A MAN!!!"

A cat jumps from the balcony and dies. There is a firework show. A sprinkler falls in Tom's dead body. It explodes.

A cat jumps from the balcony and dies.

Chapter 2, cause that's like insane and you wanna know what happens next...or something, right?

The cat was actually a secret spy working for the pumpkin with the orange eye. (hey that rhymes!) That pumpkin guy was one of many pumpkins being tortured every day. So they had to sign a petition to stop the carving and gauging of pumpkins' eyes and brains and other internal organs commonly referred to as "boat". So one cat, who just died made a petition that no one signed because it had pen scrawled all over and spilt coffee on the top, where a man with arsenic had barfed.

A man with arsenic????

Anyway, cat died....and that just gave you some context on what will happen later on in the story....LATER ON!!!! So now that you know the context, you know that Tim's mother still lived, but you don't know that in her home was a grandfather clock, where two mice lived, waiting to ring the bell signalling the start of the revolution. And it rang.

Well, the phone did. Like brr brr brr. And she answered it. And whoever was on the phone barfed, and it came out through the phone line, which signalled the revolution, partly because according to my text book, (see The Wonders Of Mouse Science) mice have a short life span, so they had to launch Signal 2.

I may be wrong about these mice, i mean i got the information from Wikipedia. (that was a lie)

Chapter 3, your breath stinks and The Wonders Of Science sucks. You know that?

Speaking of which, that book only costs $9.99!

The pumpkins crawled through the garden hedge, knocking over a garden gnome, which became animate and bashed the pumpkin's head with what looked like a garden hose. No, it was a snake. And snakes hate pumpkins. (well, see The Wonders Of Science) So instead, it exploded, killing my loyal trusty servant, Sir Gnome. No...he didn't die, for he was reincarnated into Tim's body, and he rose up, hunched and attempted to attack the pumpkin with the gnome's debris.

And that's when the police car burst through the wooden fence, crushing everything in it's path. Mainly ants, carcasses of parents, pumpkin's and loyal servants of The Loyal Lord Gnome who is located in Timbucktwo. (well, that's what's in "The Wonders Of Science") Also Timbuktoo has mountain goats. (see previous statement)

So hence Lord Gnome had to come to survey the scene, on his flying llama, but today happened to be his birthday, so as he flew he ate cake, and led to him barfing on birds.

WHO HAS THE LAST LAUGH NOW!!!!

Chapter 4. And i have the last laugh, cause i stole all your laughter. Hah a ha. See, my last laugh.

And he surveyed the scene. A kidney was located impaled on a garden gnome's sharp hat. Dance macabre. Eh, wut?

So he stole the kidney and had a free implant, no costs. Yay, i'm healthy! And then he jumped off a cliff, never to be seen again only on television, mainly CNN.

Meanwhile the dead body battled until finally, he gave up. His body stopped working, like a clank in a ratchet. Until finally he gave up, into the ground.

The ground reclaimed what was it's and then...like a spaceship in a void. It was here and then gone so fast, said an eye witness, mainly a fallen eyeball.

Until next time.. stated a note.

Until next time.