The Hobo Prince
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The Hobo Prince is the name of an operetta by Giovanni di Giacomo de Putanesca, by far the most overlooked librettist and operetta-ist of the Edwardian Period. A contemporary of Gilbert and Sullivan, Putanesca was remarkable in that he was one person, not two. This makes his work approximately four times as valuable as the Pirates of Penzance, and roughly six thousand times as valuable as The Yeomen of the Guard.
Act 1[edit | edit source]
Morning breaks in the grotty, vole infested hovel of Rudolfo, the hobo prince. He sings a brief aria about morning bowel movements, the lachrymose Che Gelida Culo, and begins shaving with the rusted edge of a mirror. He is interrupted, however, by Merviolo, a third year dentistry student, in from a busy night of carousing and extraction. After a brief quarrel it becomes apparent that these two are more than just room mates if you know what I mean.
Rudolfo whips out a dented plastic bottle of thick green liquid from his undershirt, taking a sloppy swig, then gargles the rest and spits the remainder into an rusty iron basin on the floor. Merviolo shouts in protest, "This is not common Listerine, tiny fool! Rather the minty-fresh ambrosia of Goddess Aphrodite; the finest grade Absinthe shekels can buy!" Rudolfo stares at Merviolo, then away in sudden shame. He proceeds to crawl sheepishly across the floor to plant kisses all about Merviolo's prominent lower abdominal region, offering up the green liquid dregs in the basin to Merviolo. "Oh how gross!" exclaims Merviolo, frowning "And yet, your mischiefs exhilarate me!"
From his vile ash-coated window, Rudolfo spies Mimmmmi, a stern leather clad giantess carrying a policeman's truncheon. He sings a brief aria about his knees turning to jelly, and collapses into a pail of rags.
Act 2[edit | edit source]
Rudolfo and Merviolo are strolling in the piazza when the Franco Prussian War breaks out. The entire cast bursts into a song about what a joy it is to be in a fictional European country that is neither France or Prussia.
Merviolo and Rudolfo enter a low, mean, filthy stale beer bar, and take their accustomed places at the bar. The bartender gives them "the usual" -- two blows to the head with an enormous pickle. Mimmmmi enters and sings an icy rendition of "Je Cherche Un Homme," while tossing back shot glasses of turpentine. Transfixed, Rudolfo rises and glides across the floor to her. She grabs his mouth and squeezes until his lips stick out in a humorous fashion, then does it again and again, to the delight of bar patrons.
With a fanfare a royal party enters and presents Rudolfo with a herring and four loaves of bread. It becomes clear that he is of royal descent -- a bastard child from the syphillitic child molesting branch of the royal family. But royal nonetheless. Wielding authority for the first time in his life, he orders the immediate execution of everyone in the bar, excepted Merviolo and Mimmmi. The curtain lowers to screams and the sound of herring piercing human flesh.
Act III[edit | edit source]
Rudolfo, king for many years, is bored. Really bored. I mean, have you ever gotten exactly what you wanted and then realized that maybe it was the wanting that was the good part about it, not the thing itself? Rudolfo absent mindedly plays with his testicles while a viola noodles in the background.
Mimmmmi enters, still stunning but aged considerably. The news is not good. Rudolfo, Jr. has just left his post in the Texas Air National Guard. Disgrace will surely pursue him for the rest of his life. The two sing a tragic duet, "Torno al Nido La Penguina," in which the penguin is commonly taken to metaphorically refer to man's short time on earth or some shit like that.
As if the news weren't bad enough, the nurse has a slight cough. She enters, stage left, daintly coughing into her handkerchief. Everyone immediately catches tuberculosis and dies.
The Hobo Prince has been filmed twice, first as Top Hat with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, and the second time as Raging Bull with Robert De Niro.