Ultimate soup

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Ingredients of Ultimate soup:

• 9 garrots
• a fish (preferably carp)
• 32 bananas (with skin)
• Monster mash (potatoes and blood)
• Jam
• Half an egg
• Three quarters of Martian's earlobe
• Nine tenths of a tablespoon of cheese mix
• Jim Davidson's hair
• A Burberry cap

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Instructions:

1. Take the garrots and chop your finger off. Put it in a bowl.
2. Get the fish and eat it. Well, you need to keep your energy up.
3. Mix the jam and monster's egg thingy with the Martian earlobe.
4. Throw everything off a cliff.
5. Give the egg to a tramp.
6. Give Jim Davidson his hair back.
7. Serve topped with Burberry hat.

Warning: if soup offers you a 'smoke', do not accept.